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Police Encounter Quotes
Unfortunately, when trouble strikes, the long arm of the law is usually nearby to clothesline you, the "innocent" offender. Good luck with that.
Submit your quotes here!
Jessica: Hey, I have a really fucking great idea! Can you handcuff me? Wait let's take a picture of you handcuffing me, and then I can email it to my mom because maybe she would think it was funny! Oh wait, nevermind, she knows I'm not 21.
Police Officer: I'm going to jail.
-Jessica, wasted after the officer bought her a drink at a bar
Police Officer: Sir, what's in the bottle next to you?
JM: Water.
Police Officer: Sir, this is wine!
JM: What?! That Jesus is at it again!
-On scapegoating the Lord (our savior from underage drinking tickets)
Heather: If I get arrested and go to jail...I won't remember anyway.
Jeff: Yes you will, they give you mug shots for memory purposes.
-On the real need for immediate photos
"And what will you be having young chap...?"
-Wes, to a cop busting a house party
"You guys don't have any of the cuffs with the fur on them, do you?"
-Pete, while being arrested for underage drinking in a bar
Police Officer: What do you think you're doing?
Pete: Trying to get my knife out of my pocket!
Police Officer: Oh yeah?
Pete: My cell phone is ringing asshole, take the cuffs off so I can answer it!!
-While riding in a cop car after being arrested
Police Officer: Have you had anything to drink son?
Nick: Yeah about three.
Police Officer: Three 12 ounces?
Nick: Three FOOUURDDIES!
-After getting drunk and hitting 13 mailboxes
Bill: Hey man, did I get arrested last night?
Prison Guard: Uh, yeah, you're in jail.
-After waking up in the county drunk tank
Police officer: Excuse me sir.
Joe: Yess occifer?
Police officer: Sir have you been drinking this evening?
Joe: Why yes I have.
Police officer: Please step out of the car sir.
Joe: Why? Don't you believe me?
-On eagerness to displease
Police Officer: Is all this beer for you two guys?
Mike: Yeah, I hate to break it to you officer but we can drink a lot of beer.
Joe: What I think he is trying to say is that we take the cake and shit.
-While waiting for a ride
Morgan: Do you know where Jim is? I think I just saw him get pulled over by two cop cars on Randall.
Sam: Was he sitting on a couch in the back of a red truck?
Morgan: Yeah.
Sam: That was him.
-On backseat drivers
Cory: Who the hell tracked all this mud into my kitchen?!
Police officer: Is this your house son?
Cory: Get the fuck outta my kitchen with your boots on!
Police officer: 'Cause this is a 550 dollar fine you know...
Cory: Look at this mess, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
-On official party fouls
"Officer, are you aware that your tail light is out?"
-Steven, to a cop right before getting a DUI
Police Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Tracy: Umm... 'cause I didn't slow down fast enough?
-On honesty as the second best policy
