So You Want to Sell Your Screenplay?

After months of hard work, endless coffee, and frustrating rewrites, you have finally finished your properly formatted, three-act, ninety-page screenplay. Today, we are going to break down the simple steps to selling it to Hollywood.

1. Since there are way too many screenplays out there, first adapt your story into a novel to build an audience around your story.
2. However, since everyone is submitting to publishing companies, you will need to adapt the novel into a Twitter account from the perspective of one of your characters. Impress the publishing company by building a decent following.
3. In order to reach the necessary three million Twitter followers, you will need to adapt your Twitter character into a Kickstarter-funded, low-budget web series version of your film.
4. To fund this web series, you will need to convince your friends and family that this project is worth creating, so adapt the web series into a musical for the stage.
5. In order to convince a theater that your story is worthy of their stage, adapt it into a puppet show and put it on for a local audience.
6. To persuade the locals to watch your puppetry, adapt the puppet show into an hour-long stand-up show and perform it at The Comedy Store, The Laugh Factory, and The Hollywood Improv.
7. Since you will have to impress talent managers, you will need to adapt your comedy set into an acclaimed wall mural.
8. To gain the city’s permission to paint a mural, you will need to adapt the mural into a popular board game.
9. In order to convince Hasbro to distribute your board game, you will need to adapt the game into an Etsy store to sell merchandise similar to the board game.
10. Since you will need an Etsy store with a sufficient following, you will need to adapt your store into a billboard ad on the freeway.
11. In order to convince an advertising company to put up your billboard, you will need to adapt your billboard into a viral meme.
12. Since you will need to create a viral meme, you will need to adapt the meme into a DC comic book series.
13. To convince DC Comics, you will need to adapt your comic book series into a fashionable line of scarves.
14. In order to convince Zara, you will need to adapt your scarves into a themed cruise ship experience.
15. Since you will need to convince Carnival Cruise, you will need to adapt your cruise into an amusement park.
16. To make your amusement park successful, you will need to adapt the park into a religion to draw people in.
17. Since you will need to attract followers to your new religion, you will need to adapt the religion into a form of government to accommodate and entice followers to your religion.
18. In order to have your form of government succeed, you need to adapt it into a nation-state.
19. To convince the United Nations that you are a viable country, you will need to adapt your country into a culture.
20. Since you will need a culture, you will need to adapt your culture into a food.

It's not easy, but that's Hollywood! With a little planning, some elbow-grease, and these surefire steps, you'll be selling your screenplay in no time!