Satire | Page 109 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

The enemy of my massage therapist, Janet, is her husband, Ricky. That’s no coincidence. They married young when they were so naïve.

Everyone keeps crying out that the ride is malfunctioning once the coaster is hanging perilously upside down. It’s an intense ride.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Because you will never, and I mean never, have central air conditioning.

How many of the hostages are in relationships? 12? Do they seem like they’re happy?

I was born here and I’ll die here and so will 500 of my brothers and sisters. You moved to New York City to go to NYU and major in bisexuality.

Would you rather be sentenced to death for something you didn’t do or have a rock in your shoe?

I’m dead (claw machine accident, I’m sure it was in the papers) and now that I’ve spent enough time floating around, I’m ready to respond.

It’s the very best thing I’ve ever written. Or, it’s the worst book ever typed into existence. Which one it is, I can’t say for sure.

When you cupped me in your hands and held me up to the light, I thought, “Okay, geologist!” I was excited to go home with you.

Guests are forbidden from bringing presents. Jazz is a gift in itself.

6:45 AM: Wind speed in the air is currently ten miles per hour, which is something only relevant to me.

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