If LinkedIn Existed During Biblical Times
HIRING: One male and one female of every animal. Please submit a cover letter explaining why you are the most qualified/fertile of your species.
Tag: Satire
Restrictions to the Office’s Communal Robert’s Motorcycle
Please do not straddle the beast unless you have experience wielding crotch rockets of NASA caliber.
What to Say If Someone Offers You a Cigarette
I don’t want my future to go up in smoke. Sam is always watching. I don’t want to risk my chances of getting into a good college. Or my standing with Sam.
Out-Of-Office Message from Someone Who Doesn’t Trust Their Team
Although, if I’m honest, Amanda has horrible email etiquette. One time she shared her screen during a meeting and I saw 12,000 unread emails.
For God’s Sake! Why Are You All Still Ordering Our Spiciest Wings That Have Put 27 in Comas?!
We are strongly discouraging any food vloggers, frat bros, or any self-proclaimed "spice fiends" from coming to Tony’s Tavern (off I-85, exit 17).
Of Course I’m Taking Valentine’s Day Seriously, I Rented “Margin Call”
I’m talking secrets. Intrigue. Betrayal. A young Penn Badgley. Oh, yeah. I rented "Margin Call." What do you mean, “What’s that?”
Things Everyone Else Should Give Up for Lent This Year
My downstairs neighbors should give up on the thing they call a “heavy metal bagpipes band.”
Hurry! For a Limited Time Only, YOU Could Be the Next Owner of Our Exclusive Family Heirloom Ring!
Act now to receive a lifetime of resentment from the rest of our family.
Cancel Your Gym Membership in Three Easy Steps and One Impossible Minotaur Fight
Step Three: Click the “Confirm Cancel Membership” Button. Step Four: Unsheath that broadsword, foolish mortal!
Welcome to the Writing Workshop Where We Don’t Write
Give in to this workshop not by writing, but by taking turns asking for more condiments, plates, and silverware as I stash them in my purse.
I’m a Matriarch in a Play, and I’m Sure Nothing Bad Will Happen at My Family Gathering
Awfully hot day, isn’t it? It’s always hot here in the summers, but we make do. That’s what the Edgar family does. We make do.
I’m an Elite Professional Quarterback, but My Coaches Don’t Trust Me with the Team’s Tablet
When I switched to the New York Times mini-crossword they yelled at me again---and put child locks on so I could only look at replays.