Scooby Doo’s Best Man Speech at Shaggy’s Wedding
Raggy rand I go way, way back. Trust me, rin dog years it’s reven ronger. Reven times ronger. Reah.
Tag: Satire
Introduction to Dentistry Small Talk
By the end of the semester, you should be able to verbally sedate your significant others for an entire dinner conversation.
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
You’ll Love Our Newest Resort, You Lazy Fuck
Our friendly staff will welcome you in the lobby, where we’ll happily carry your bags for you. Look at you pretending you’re about to help!
I’m Rick Steves and I’m Now Touring the Inner Field of Consciousness, Not Europe
After a bit of soul searching, preceded by rather a lot of ayahuasca in a Christopher Street loft, I’ve decided to radically restructure my tours.
I Am the Old Man on the Stationary Bike at the Gym, and I Am Here to Fucking Crush It
I am simply part of the gym’s existence, like the water fountain and the ambient hip-hop music piped in through invisible speakers.
A Message from Your Friendly Neighborhood Military Industrial Complex
At only $117,000 a pop, the Hellfire II™ is perfect for when you need to make a splash without splashing too much cash.
Help Wanted for Covert Criminal Operation
Qualifications: Ability to fire one-liners and innuendo, as well as sex appeal. You don’t follow rules, but you live by your own personal code.
Just Because We Spotted Each Other at a Sex Party Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Still Be Your Accountant
Maybe you’re freaked out to think of accountants as sexual creatures. You want us always hunched over ledgers, never over your sweet, pliable body.
Diary of Nelson Perry, Swing Voter
November 1980: I voted for Ford in '76, but I’m thinking Carter can take us into the Pac Man era. Ronald Reagan isn’t qualified and he’s embraced a racist campaign strategy.
Wait, Michael Bloomberg Is Now “Mike” Bloomberg?
Previously criticized Medicare-for-all as unaffordable. That's a hard "Michael." Announces "it's a JEEP day!" when the weather is nice. Solid "Mike."
I Got into CrossFit but I Already Told Everyone I Know—Should I Quit?
The confirmation page for my gym hadn’t even loaded before I put out a group text to my closest friends telling them that I was a CrossFit guy now.