Quotes from Arthur Miller’s “Death of an Influencer”
"Pop, I have no platform! I have no platform, Pop! Can't you understand?"
Tag: Satire
Jordan vs. Gretzky: Who’s Better?
Despite his worldwide fame and success in other sports leagues, Jordan has racked up an abysmal 0 total NHL goals.
My Dad Is a “Black Mirror” Episode
As you might expect, my dad is incredibly excited about this new chapter in his life. He’s been preparing for it for almost 50 years.
Instructions for if I Ever Travel through Time for Some Reason
If I travel back in time, we need to have a code word to indicate to the other person that I have time-traveled. Our code word will be “arugula.”
After Watching These Debates, Am I the Only One Who Doesn’t Really Care Who Takes the Ring to Mordor?
Men of Gondor can afford to discuss this ad nauseum, because even under Sauron’s rule you’d be fine, because, let’s face it, you’ve always been fine.
Obituaries for a Thanksgiving Turkey
He passed the way he lived, with quiet dignity. Nourishing the owners of Grace Organic Farm with the bravery, honor, and tender thighs of a true hero.
Let’s Boycott Thanksgiving! This Has Nothing to Do with Me Being a Turkey, By the Way
Oh, is turkey a Thanksgiving item too? I guess I never really noticed, until now. Sure, maybe just go ahead and don’t make that one either.
Good Housekeeping Tips for Throwing a Cozy, Old-Fashioned Thanksgiving Rager
For a fun coordinated touch, make sure that you’ve got a few hollowed-out pumpkins for your guests to vomit into if they indulge in too many.
Open Letter from the Fake Socially Conscious Advertiser
I think you are so unintelligent that I can change your opinion on something like a fannypack by creating a commercial that depicts trendy values.
Marriage, as Explained by an Alien
A female human getting married will choose her favorite female friends and force them to all wear the same dress for the big day.
I Took Penn & Teller’s Master Class on Magic and Now I’m on Death Row
But I had only completed five of the classes when they arrested me for sawing my roommate in half. I shouldn’t have tried such an advanced trick.
Craigslist Missed Connection: That Movie I Wanted to Watch on Netflix Three Nights Ago
I tried to find you again at 3:30 AM, but you were nowhere to be found. I think you starred Diane Keaton, so I doubt you're in Horror.