I’m an Atheist Straw Man in a Horror Movie
Have you ever heard of the term "self-fulfilling prophecy?" Maybe the cross is made of some kind of metal that vampires are sensitive to.
Tag: Satire
Jared Kushner’s Skin Care Routine
He hangs the skin carefully on a manikin and covers his true skin with a protective layer of mucus---the air is very harsh on his delicate scales.
Help, My Life Has Become a Backdoor Pilot!
No one cared about me. The main story suddenly became Hannibal's unique style of investigation and vague allusions to a troubled past.
I’m Little Lamb, and Mary Never Had Me
Our relationship---scratch that---friendship started when her sorority hired a petting zoo for a charity fundraiser.
Kid Review: Ranking the Carpool Options on the Block
3. Lisa’s dad: Mr. Hardaway is a Lyft driver. Here is what that means: top-notch amenities.
Declaration of Independence from My Toxic Roommate Terrence
The history of Terrence is a history of repeated injuries and not splitting utility costs, all having in direct object the establishment of a tyranny.
Diary Entry from the Woman in the Peloton Commercial on Her First Day with Her New Bike
I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?
An Obituary Writer Attempts to Win His Wife Back
Marilyn Brewster was surrounded by loved ones including her beautiful, perfect daughter Deborah who I could make so happy if she’d return my calls.
Narwhal Tusk Basic Training
You’re holding in your hands as sophisticated an anti-terrorist device as God in his worshipful workshop has ever devised!
Congratulations on Securing a Saggy Bed and Creaky Desk at Our Artist Colony!
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
Translations of the Text Message “WYD”
“I don’t want to come off as needy so I’ve been sitting on this text for precisely 72 hours since our last hang.”
A Quick Spoiler-Free Review of “The Irishman”
In the end, I think the main takeaway for most bigtime movie buffs is the masterful performance of one Joseph “The Spanish Rattlesnake” Pesci.