How to Find the Perfect Apartment in Hell
Don’t hesitate. If you see an apartment you like, grab a demon’s pitchfork, stab it in your thigh, and sign in blood immediately.
Tag: Roommates
Declaration of Independence from My Toxic Roommate Terrence
The history of Terrence is a history of repeated injuries and not splitting utility costs, all having in direct object the establishment of a tyranny.
Millennial Prenup Agreement
Reusable cloth bags to be split draft style. First pick for the one really good cloth bag goes to cuckolded party, otherwise coin flip.
This High-Rise Elevator Is Also My Apartment
Let me wipe off the shaving cream and stow my kit bag where the emergency phone used to be.
Why Doesn’t My Roommate Understand That a Witch Put a Spell on Me and Now I’m Not Allowed to Wash the Dishes
She raised a wand and twirled it in the air. She chanted, “Dawn and Palmolive, Scotchbrite and Ocelo, you’re not allowed to do the dishes no more-lo.”
My Daily Routine as a Male Cyclist in a Big City
5:35PM: Turn down a one-way street going in the opposite direction. I read somewhere that street signs don't apply when you only have two wheels.
What Your Smoke Alarm is Really Trying to Say
Three slower, sarcastic beeps: Random malfunction with tons of rhyme and reason, none of which will be revealed to you or any professional electrician.
Modern Equivalents to “Reading Playboy for the Articles”
Scrolling through Twitter for the news. Driving a Tesla for the environment. Living with six roommates for the camaraderie.
The Recipe to Every Meal You’ll Cook in Your First Real Apartment
Attempt to order Chinese food online. Discover credit card is maxed out. Head into kitchen with acute sense of impending doom.
Exciting New Products at Trader Joe’s
Right next to the cookie butter, inexpensive wine, and cow bell that our employees ring for no reason, you'll find all of our newest goodies.
I, The Lovable Prankster of My House, Have Been Asked to Move Out for Some Reason
They just don’t seem to realize that, in a prank-war, these things just happen. It's no one’s fault, and nothing anyone should get in trouble for.
The Pros and Cons of Owning Different Pets
Small Fish | Pros: They are angular and elegant-looking. Do not require much upkeep or food expenses. Cons: You have had it 3 hours. It's dead.