I’m a Serial Killer and Burberry Just Discontinued My Signature Strangling Scarf
With so many murders happening each year, it’s extremely difficult to develop and sustain a calling card that’s distinct.
Tag: Murder
Romeo and Juliet Respond to an Apartment Listing
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
Survey: The Management of the Lakeview Plaza 8-Plex Requests Your Feedback (And Apologizes in Advance for the Toenails)
On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!
Uncut Energy Crystals: Howard Ratner in LA
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
Now That He’s Gone, I Can Share the Truth of How My Father, Mr. Peanut, Killed My Mother
Growing up, he was a hard legume to love. He showed no emotion, said very little, and was constantly traveling for work.
Where in the Hell Did Alan Dershowitz Get His Ideas?
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
Empowering Affirmations for Strength While Doing Laundry at a Public Laundromat
“I am grateful for my talents.” How quickly can you fold laundry before getting hit on? Did someone steal your detergent?
A Day in the Life in an Alternate Universe Where the World Is Run by Female Country Singers
I take coffee to my colonial porch and watch the sunrise over the Miranda Lambert river valley. An old hound is sunning himself on the porch steps.
I, Lucifer, Regret to Announce the Early Closure of My Art Show Known as “Hell”
“Hell” is my collection of art pieces that explores suffering as an innate part of the human condition. What it isn’t is a punishment.
Help Wanted for Covert Criminal Operation
Qualifications: Ability to fire one-liners and innuendo, as well as sex appeal. You don’t follow rules, but you live by your own personal code.
Where Are They Now: Characters from Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic”
The couple that endured Rain On Their Wedding Day realized mid-Hawaiian-honeymoon that they never discussed having children.
Royalty-Free Podcasts So You Don’t Have to Hear Another Quip Ad
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!