Secret Starbucks Menu Items for Assholes
This secret menu item is complicated, multi-layered, bold, and bitter: it’s perfect for the starving artist (because it’s got 12 grams of protein).
This secret menu item is complicated, multi-layered, bold, and bitter: it’s perfect for the starving artist (because it’s got 12 grams of protein).
I separate emotion from logic and wield my mighty Trident of Critical Thinking, which is a normal trident that I use to emphasize my pronouncements.
There were signs: Marco Rubio found Mitch had recently searched for “sexy outraged citizens tear male politician to shreds video.”
At satisfying video school, I got to nerd out with fellow satisfying video geeks over the differences in crunch between Kinetic Sand and Madmattr.
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
“Yo, it’s me: the brand-new condo that sits on the same lot that rent-controlled housing used to be on."
And you charged me for all of it?! That’s over $15,000! Listen, I’m not made of that Tony Stark money
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
"A Room of One’s Own" by Stieg Larsson: But, you may say, we asked you to speak about women who don’t take any shit and the stories they tell
Finally, you can be the cafeteria worker whose job it is to take lunches away from elementary schoolers who forget to bring their lunch money.
What are you gonna do next, wear Vans to a fundraiser? Actually, don’t do that, I’m calling dibs, homie.
The LabelMan ™ is covered in the logos of Off-White, Palace, and Gucci. Destroying him is possible only through consistent slashing of one’s credit card.