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Flaky GPS will accidentally lead him to shithole town’s all too familiar old bar, where he'll bump into the one that got away.

I feel like you're not fully inhabiting the space here. / This does absolutely nothing for me. / Wait, it's not over yet?

No matter how sincerely you attempt to connect with them, they seem to live by the philosophy "treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen."

Since you just ate at Taco Bell, you might be interested in knowing you are 8 minutes from home, which is where your toilet is. Traffic is clear.

No-Homojito - Muddle the fuck out of some sugar, a mint sprig, and a gay lime. Add light rum as a top and dark rum as a bottom.

Through charismatic storytelling many began to follow us. We paid them nothing, but we did feed them.

2011: The Year We Lost Contact When Rupert Murdoch Blocked Alien Transmission with a Private Satellite and Claimed Worldwide Redistribution Rights.

Better safe than to have to say sorry. / A perceived slight is worth a thousand words. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks with that attitude.

Slowly add in the dry mixture until combined. The batter should be rough as the terrain near the Washougal River Basin in Washington state.

"You are tearing our family apart." / "Your dog just threw up on my new shoes." / "Can you pick me up a pregnancy test when you’re out?"

Instead of a medical degree, they display the Three Laws of Robotics and a nude photo of R2D2 on the wall.

I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...