Jesus | Page 2 | Points in Case

Tag: Jesus

4. While out caroling with your family aggressively sing, “make the yuletide straight!” when singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."

6. Hold Your Family’s Feet to the Fires of Capitalism --- Santa Claus? A soulless creation of Coca-Cola to help them hock a sugary beverage.

“Sufganiyot” might be a traditional treat, but it’s hard to pronounce, and makes you seem like you’re plotting an overthrow of American jelly donuts.

I plan to do great work today. Just as soon as I...check Instagram to see if that guy posted more dumb pictures of that thing he thinks is cool.

You picture it. You see the wisdom. Unlike Drake, you do not accept God's plan. "I'm too good for that," you say. "Are you fucking kiddi–" God says.

This storm has brought my brother out of the bomb shelter to face his family to then grab them and bring them back into the bomb shelter.

I can't marry you into the Dukedom of Wellington: my parents are not the Duke and Duchess of Wellington. They're the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire!

Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.

[God's pen is paused above the passage where Noah gets all fat and is lying drunk in a tent after surviving the flood.] ANGEL: Water balloon fight?

As a result of that whole "free will" blunder, any direct divine intervention is off the table. We did, however, agree to a compromise arrangement.