Sharks Aren’t Nearly as Scary as Canadian Geese and Yet They’re the Ones with a Week of TV
Some people say that sharks take nibbles to satisfy their curiosity. Rest assured, we're coming to bite you because we want to bite you.
Tag: Hell
The Archangel Gabriel Appeared to Me in a Dream and Told Me to Start Pounding More PBR Tall Boys if I Want to Get into Heaven
I heard that in Heaven, you can ride on the backs of angels and use their halos as steering wheels. That’s something I would like to check out.
A Review of the Last Performance of “Spamilton” Before the End Times
Before he could sing a single note, I look down to see the Earth's molten core spilling into empty space.
Job Posting: Human Anxiety Thermometer for Our Household
Must project Buddha-like calm, possess mixologist-level cocktail skills, and know when to keep the kids out of my “home office."
These Constant Fireworks I Hear Every Night Before Bed Is Exactly What I Needed
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
Nothing Says Fourth of July like Hellmann’s New Strawberry-Flavored Mayonnaise
Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.
Satan Is Now on Cameo to Give You All Types of Shoutouts
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
Dante’s Nine Circles of YouTube Hell
Circle Two: Cooking Tutorials - Wistfully, the penniless souls here all live in studio apartments where the only cooking appliance is a hotplate.
I Don’t Need a Stinking Dove to Tell Me When It’s Safe to Get Off This Godforsaken Ark
That mewing and hawing you’re hearing on the upper deck isn’t the 4 PM slop feeding. It’s a protest!
How to Tell if You’re Having Coronavirus Symptoms or Simple Ketamine Withdrawal
In these trying times, it may be harder than ever to tell exactly why you feel like total shit when you wake up in the morning.
Father, Why Hath Thou Forsaken Me, the Sock at the Back of the Drawer?
You refuse to wear me because of my stale odor but you refuse to wash me for I have not been worn! This chaotic torment tears my mind asunder!
“Voluntary” Video Check-Ins with Our Newly Remote Workforce
Day 12, Check-In 74: There is simply no way for us to know just by looking at you that you haven’t brushed your teeth in days.