The Lord Has Tempted Me with Tons of Gay Sex, But I’ve Overcome
For six years I've preached the dangers of sins of the flesh, during which time the devil lured me into oiled-up twinks, otters, and glitter-daddies.
Tag: Hell
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
Martha Stewart’s Perfect Mouse Trap Bait Recipe
You want something with a decidedly pleasing aroma and subtle flavors sure to attract the attention of your average mouse.
Elf on the Shelf Captain’s Log
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
I Just Painted My Social Security Number on the Side of My House for My YouTube Channel!
Hello to everyone out there in cyberspace, it's me, Brock Yeager, international daredevil extraordinaire with more crazy, death-defying stunts!
30-Point NYC Subway Improvement Plan
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
Mistakes to Avoid on Your Cover Letter for a Job in Hell™
Focus on a few key accomplishments that highlight your strengths: Were you responsible for major bloodshed at your last position? An innovative new flaying technique?
An Open Letter to My Neighbors Who Insist on Hanging a Scary Clown Decoration from a Tree Over the Sidewalk Every October
I'm not going to say that the clown is FRIGHTENING, since I'm an adult and being afraid of a Halloween decoration would be silly. But take it down, ok?
Why I Love “The Handmaid’s Tale”: A Review by Michelle Duggar
I thought I was good at dressing my body like a burlap sack of potatoes, but I have been outdone! Women are all just floating heads with robot arms.
I Draw Him Naked First, To Preserve His Purity (By Dilbert Creator Scott Adams)
Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.
6 Life Lessons They Won’t Teach You in College
What you never learned is that you're a replaceable peon, your career means nothing, your marriage will fail, and nobody loves you. Don't worry though, you were a mistake to begin with.
What It’s Like Being a Telemarketer From Hell
From 150 miles under the bandstand of Toms River, NJ, a demon explains what it's like to be a timeshare telemarketer in Hell.