I Won’t Be Trick-Or-Treating This Year Because of COVID-19, Not Because I Am a 35-Year-Old Adult Man
This would be my 32nd year trick-or-treating and my 22nd year trying to explain to my neighbors why I'm not too old to be doing so.
This would be my 32nd year trick-or-treating and my 22nd year trying to explain to my neighbors why I'm not too old to be doing so.
Igor: The Lab was like a Studio 54 for ghouls and goblins, before we could be open about who we are. We were always coming up with new dances.
Instead of the usual ghouls chasing you through the hallways, this year's tour will offer you a respite from the ongoing horror show that is 2020.
Here’s a funky, vintage suggestion: you could wear pants that close with a button at the top, rather than with an elastic waistband.
She used the same excuse for Lana's St Patty's party and my Ugly Sweater party last year.
Enter the front yard and you are immediately confronted with the Graveyard of the Norms. Every tombstone reads the name, "Norm 1776-2016."
Mina, it's me Drac! 479 is the new 35! Please message me back. I’m going batshit crazy without you.
The farmer at the pumpkin patch is threatening to stop selling me any more pumpkins because he thinks what I’m doing is “fucked up.”
Minty Mask: A light treat with undernotes of chemically treated paper, this is sure to be a crowd pleaser (socially distanced, natch).
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!
If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.
The invitations should allude to the theme of the evening. You could write your invitations on a spreadsheet from work, or some unpaid medical bills.