Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
Pomegranates? The fruit of the elite. They hold onto their seeds like "La La Land" tried to hold onto the Oscar in 2017.
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
The journey of a thousand ham slices begins with a single cut of the deli slicer.
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
Farm to Table. Table to Fork. Fork to Mouth. Food to Throat. Air to Throat. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest.
Car to driveway. Food to house. Hour to hour. Day to day. Week to week. Month to month. Smell to food. Food to dumpster and so on.
I’m the Actor Who Plays Chester Cheetah and I’m Tired of Being Type Cast as a Cheesy Snack-Food Obsessed Cool Dude
While I despised the overacting required for cartoonish behavior, I was a professional and delivered the performance asked of me.