The Universe Tells Me
I doubt it would cook up an abundance of hate to overpower the abundance of love. It would be so not like the universe to fuck with abundance.
Tag: Classes
I Will Continue to Block the Slide Until We Build a Wall Separating Our Recess from Mrs. Montgomery’s Class
Many have told me that there would not be a problem in the first place if I would just get out of the way. Unfortunately, that isn't how I see it.
Christmas Gifts for the “Creative” in Your Life
For the Improviser: If you’re looking to give a gift that lasts, offer them $450 to never improvise again.
The UK’s Secret Plans for a No-Deal Brexit
If the pound plummets to junk status, Great Britain will return to the barter system. Price will be decided according to value in livestock.
A Principal’s Tough Conversation with His Coolest Student
"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
What Elementary School Was Like in Each Decade
The 1960s: Students are now allowed to bring lunches with them to school.
Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, Will You Give My “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” Spec a Read?
You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.
Mrs. Malone’s 4th Grade Math Quiz
Tamber excavates 1 skeleton. He recognizes its bone structure. 81-inch. Could it be? D.B. Cooper? How many inches taller than Tamber is D.B. Cooper?
I’m the King-Shit of Comedy and I’m Going to Absolutely Ruin This Substitute Teacher
Listen up, shitsticks: all you open-mic wannabes better take notes from the best comedian Channelside Elementary School has to offer.
Stages of Grief About The Election in Aerobics Classes
Let’s put on some hip-hop and do leg lifts like it’s 2002! Feel the burn. Not #feelthebern. Because really, are the Bernie Bros happy now?
Attention Parker Valley Middle School: I’m Gonna Be a Skater Now
It is with heavy heart that I, Robby Schwartz, wish to announce that I am no longer a punk rocker. I am now a skater; please accept my decision.
10 Things You’ll Never Hear on a College Campus
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.