Area 51 Raid Packing Essentials
A stolen bomb squad dog to sniff out the aliens. (They probably smell kind of like TNT.) Your grandmama Ellis’ necklace, so you can be buried with it.
Tag: Arts
I’m a Foot in a Quentin Tarantino Film and I’ll Have You Know I Received an MFA from RADA
You may have seen my great uncle play the severed hand in the original Addams Family or my grandmother play the Wicked Witch of the East.
A Year of No
A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.
Open Up and Say “Ariana Grande”
He then directed me to look at the 2019 Coachella poster. “It’s the perfect tool for measuring your Cool levels. It works just like an eye chart.”
All the Reasons No One Attends Your Open Mic
Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.
Introducing the Apple Car
That hood and the entire car frame is made out of Gorilla Glass, the material you smudge every day and crack every other week on your iPhone screen.
Prescriptions for Thy Modern Maladies From Me, A Plague Doctor
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
Your Aunty Linda’s a Creative Now, Too
I order Café Olés now in neighboring towns (to get away from all the darn-doodlin’ neighbors clouding my rediscovered creative energy!)
Alternatives to “Shakespeare in the Park”
Enjoy public performances like "George Bernard Shaw on a Precariously-Balanced Manhole Cover" and "David Mamet in the Penn Station Bathrooms."
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
False Starts to My New Noir Novel
Mother slapped me. She was a former NYPD detective, eighty-eight years old and in the early stages of dementia.