When It Comes to Waiting, I’m a Natural
I never look to see if the bus or train is coming. I never push the button more than once on elevators or at crosswalks.
Tag: Sports
List: Updated NASCAR Rules Explained
RULE 22.0: Imagine for a moment a model train set circling without purpose—you’re the little plastic conductor.
What to Do When Your Second-Grader Brings Home Bad Artwork
Now that you’ve sufficiently tortured your sweet angel for the past hour, make him watch as you make your own macaroni artwork.
An Apology from That One Friend Who Takes the Super Bowl Too Seriously
I’m sorry I climbed a utility pole outside during halftime to hang a handmade flag with my team’s logo.
A Day in the Life of a Maroon 5 Member Who is Not Adam Levine
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.
A Principal’s Tough Conversation with His Coolest Student
"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
It Appears Your 2018 Ballot Has Erroneously Been Cast for Gritty, The Mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers
These events are particularly disturbing given that we do not know Gritty's political party, nor is he a resident of the state of Texas.
If You Awful Bros Vote Democratic You Can Call Me “F*ggot” Once, No Strings Attached
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
How to Get Past Your Baseball Team Losing in the Playoffs…Again
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.
Colin Kaepernick Would Be a Distraction, So We’ve Signed Donald Trump To Be Our New Quarterback
Luckily, the staff at the White House told us that things actually run a lot better when he’s not around, so they’ve agreed to lend him to us for the next few years.