Jordan vs. Gretzky: Who’s Better?
Despite his worldwide fame and success in other sports leagues, Jordan has racked up an abysmal 0 total NHL goals.
Tag: Sports
List: Prosaic Texts from My Single Dad
Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.
The Email Conversation I Had with My Middle School Vice Principal after Repeatedly Butt-Dialing Him While Riding a Mechanical Bull
"Unless this is some sort of street lingo I need to brush up on, I think you may have accidentally contacted me. LOL!"
Week 8 of the 2019 Dating Season
Heather vs Joe: These singles are set to meet on Thursday to open Week 8 and it’s expected to be a close one, as they both have a fondness for PDA.
Quiz: Championship Racehorse or Joe Bidenism?
Some of these are horses that made the turns and came out on top. Some are turns of phrase associated with a horse still in the running.
Impostor Syndrome at the Space Olympics
You are supposed to be here no matter what the Space Squids wrote on your locker in 4-dimensional ink that you had to get a Helper-Droid to translate.
A Recruitment Letter from the Williams College Combat Juggling Team
I caught your last prep school match against Groton, and let me be plain: you are a truly gifted combat juggler, a “once-in-a-century” talent.
List: Oh, the Hoodies I’ve Found
1. Sept 5, 2000 - The Band One / Identifying Marks: Your HS boyfriend’s crappy ska band logo. / Acquired From: Back seat of said boyfriend’s POS car.
List: Oh, the Hoodies I’ve Lost
1. August 8, 1996 - The Maroon One / Identifying Marks: Band logo on the front. / Missing From: Back seat of your POS first car.
List: Baseball Fans Struck by Foul Thoughts While Just Trying to Enjoy a Ballgame
The crowd exploded, and it hit me: the game is going into extra innings, and I’m going to have to endure another four torturous years of Trump.