List: Surprising New Rules for Major League Baseball’s COVID-19 Season by Matthew Pitt
If both opponents' Designated Epidemiologists agree that it will aid in player immunity, MLB will allow injections of anabolic steroids.
Tag: Sports
As the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, My Job Is to Give Fans Exactly What They Want: As Little Baseball as Possible
I've been accused of only looking out for the owners, which is patently false. The products---I mean players!---are my absolute top priority
My Only Job Option Is to Play Professional Baseball
There's no better job out of college than playing in the MLB. Great pay, fame, and most of the time you’re standing around and not doing anything.
It’s National Signing Day for Geeks
Buck: Wow, Jim. I especially liked the raw footage of Chip kicking butt in the chess club, and that slo-mo of him acing the AP calc exam.
List: Why I Went to Greg Johnson’s 8th Birthday Party Instead of Going to See Michael Jordan and the 1996 Chicago Bulls
The party was going to have two different kinds of ice cream cake. / I had serious concerns whether Dennis Rodman was going to be a good roster fit.
How to Properly Dispose of a Worn or Damaged Barstool Sports Flag
If you spilled Narragansett on the flag upon learning the Joker wasn’t from New England or you ripped the flag when you heard Barstool writers were unionizing.
List: Episode Guide to “Stockton and Malone: The Last Jazz Session”
Episode 4 – Karl Malone discovers the 3rd person POV literary device and begins using it in interviews. Stockton reinvigorates his Catholicism.
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
Five Best End-Of-Year Listicles to Distract from Your Deepening Existential Crisis
Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.
Royalty-Free Podcasts So You Don’t Have to Hear Another Quip Ad
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
Jordan vs. Gretzky: Who’s Better?
Despite his worldwide fame and success in other sports leagues, Jordan has racked up an abysmal 0 total NHL goals.
List: Prosaic Texts from My Single Dad
Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.