I try to be a respectful person (seriously). I try to abide by all the laws of our great nation. I pay my taxes. I don't hurt nobody. I do what I can to be an upstanding citizen of the U, the S, and the A. I agree with most of our laws in America. But I will never get behind open container laws.

I have received open container tickets before. The first time I ever received one, I thought it was a joke and threw it in the garbage. The second time I received one, I remembered that I had forgotten to pay the first one. The third time I received one, I actually said to the cop, “But dude, it's my container.”

His response: “But dude, it's our law.”

He said it kind of sarcastically.

And it's a bullshit law. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I never have respected it and I never will.

I can't think of one other legal product in the world that you can actually receive a citation just for opening.

I cannot stress this enough: it's my container. I should be allowed to open it wherever I want. If I'm too drunk to be in public, arrest me for it. If I'm too drunk to drive with it, arrest me for that. If I'm not allowed to bring my open container into your proprietorship, take the damn container from me, but don't tell me that I, a citizen of this great nation, can purchase a container from a store, walk outside of said store, and then be prohibited from opening it (the container, not the store).

That's just crap.

Now, I'm not one for movements. And quite frankly, I don't see how piddly shit like this could even require a movement, but I recommend that someone out there help the American consciousness pull its collective head out of its collective ass and learn that there is nothing wrong with purchasing a container of anything and then opening it.

I mean, my fucking God. Even that stupid “no driving while talking on a cell phone” law makes more sense than open container laws.

Oh, and by the way, kudos to the great city of New Orleans for never recognizing the open container law. I think it's fair to say that if New Orleans doesn't need a law, the rest of the world doesn't either.

And if you think I'm wrong you can go to hell.

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