Sophomore year in college TheBlueDragon worked at the Seattle Waterfront Marriott delivering room service and taking naps in vacant rooms. Occasionally he'd get fucked into working the weekend morning shift at 6:00am where he got the pleasure of waiting outside rooms for ten minutes holding a pot of coffee as businessmen hustled their hookers into the closet.
But, it paid well and he got to see a Seahawks dancer's tits one time, so it all evened out.
For one of the first times in TheBlueDragon's life his jaw literally drops and does not go back up.So one morning at 5:45am he's stopped at a red light at 47th and Roosevelt. There is a Seattle Police Department officer a half block down the road waiting to catch early morning speeders. The light is taking forever so TheBlueDragon begins contemplating the best way to steal the Marriott's complimentary cheese platters, but just as he's devising escape routes, from out of nowhere comes Hobo Man.
Hobo Man is sprinting straight at TheBlueDragon's car. TheBlueDragon's mind is still waking up and desperately trying to process the visual debauchery taking place before him. The light is still red. He can't run it because of the cop down the road. He can't move. Hobo Man closes in. TheBlueDragon's eyes dart between the red light, the cop, and the hobo.
He slams down the accelerator and attempts to gas it through the intersection before Hobo Man reaches him. TheBlueDragon is halfway through. He's going to make it. No crazy Hobo can catch TheBlueDragon!
Hobo Man's feet leave the ground as he jumps and lands face-first on the hood of TheBlueDragon's car. Instinctively TheBlueDragon screeches to a halt, sending Hobo Man tumbling onto the pavement. Hobo Man squirms around in pain for several seconds before going stiff and yelling:
"Help! I've been hit by a motorist! Someone call the police!"
Just as TheBlueDragon is getting out of his car to brush the lice off his hood, the cop pulls onto the road. For one of the first times in TheBlueDragon's life his jaw literally drops and does not go back up. He cannot believe this. The cop is driving straight at him, just as Hobo Man had done moments before.
The cop stops in the middle of the intersection, flips on his lights, and steps out of his car. TheBlueDragon races over and starts sputtering out what must sound like the most insane excuse ever. Everything has happened so fast. He is sweating profusely. In the past, whenever he'd been threatened with arrest he'd been piss-shit-drunk and not given a fuck. Now, sober and recently-awakened, TheBlueDragon is petrified.
He can't think of anything to say but, "He just jumped on my hood! I swear! Right then! He ran up and jumped on my hood! Seriously!"
The cop walks right past TheBlueDragon, bends over, pulls Hobo Man off the street, marches Hobo Man back to his squad car, and throws him in the back seat.
The lights stop flashing, the cop drives away, and TheBlueDragon is left alone, 5:50am, at a deserted intersection.
No wonder TheBlueDragon hates Hobos.