Points in Case's very own Ashley Garmany recently went on vacation with a bunch of her friends down in Charleston, South Carolina. She photo-blogged about her adventures, and one of her picture captions was, "Right before this picture was taken, I believe the words, ‘I've got sand in my crotch' came out of my mouth."
In that blog was also this hilarious photo:
Sometimes, as a writer, you get inspired by the strangest things. In this case my inspiration was Ashley Garmany peeing in the ocean, and her sand-filled vagina.
I give you…
"An Ode to Ashley Garmany's Pikachu"
Chillin' at the ocean blue, just me and my crew,
Hangin' with my posse true, suckin' down brew.
Takin' in the righteous view, biddin' cares adieu,
A piss is comin' on, phew, like chronic deja vu!
Peepin' all around you, no toilet to pursue,
Squattin' in a sand dune ain't what I'm gonna do.
My suit I'm gonna imbue, without a proper loo,
The tide is comin' on through, right on my pee pee cue.
The sea I dive right into. The fish are startin' to eschew.
They stop and peep my hot tattoo, but leave before my big debut.
The clams by numbers do accrue, as my swimsuit I start to undo.
I'm ready now, my thoughts turn to, "I hope I don't go number two!"
I don't want to misconstrue, or seem entirely all untrue,
But the force was like a ballyhoo, a little like a submerged kazoo.
The lobsters started to review, the degree of my pissin' hullabaloo.
They almost seemed to say thank you, for my and the world's pas de deux.
As the urine floated off to Peru, or perhaps maybe even Timbuktu,
I walked back to my posse through, the whole beach thinkin' "What did SHE just do?!"
I shouted back at them, "It ain't taboo! It's not like it'll change the hue!
Pissin' in the ocean blue is just somethin' that I like to do!"
"Yo the world is my potty, true, so back the fuck on up, you!
Some of ya'll might think it's ewww, but to that noise I say unto,
‘Fuck you and you mother too, your shit still stinks when YOU go poo!
Why don't you shove your point of view, or next time I'll squat and piss on you!'"
All went quiet and the swimmers knew, that what I was spittin' was totally true.
And while I contemplated a complete redo, of pissin' in the ocean blue,
My suit I did reach down into, and found that something was anew.
"OH SHIT! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! I'VE GOT SAND UP IN MY PIKACHU!"