>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
July 21, 2004

Dear Nicole,

I just graduated from college, so should I join the military, or find a job? Should I keep my girlfriend? Should I make my friend's dream of becoming famous ring true? Should I learn drums or bass? Should I join the Peace Corp? Is there a War Corp? Or how about a Sex Corp? That would be nice. Any help here would be appreciated.

-Undecided

Dear Undecided,

I have an even BETTER idea: Maybe you should SHUT THE HELL UP. I mean…uh…just follow your dreams, or whatever.

Sincerely,
Nicole



Dear Nicole,

My girlfriend constantly bitches at me for supposedly cheating. WITH BOYS! Now I'm a full on lesbian! How can I convince her I only want her twat?

-Megan

Dear Megan,

Prove to her that you've been faithful by presenting her with a clean bill of health from the Cootie Clinic.

Sincerely,
Nicole


Dear Nicole,

Are you hot?

-Matthew

Dear Matthew,

For the last time, NO.

Sincerely,
Nicole

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