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By staff writer Nicole McKaig
February 4, 2004

Time remaining before it's too late for dinner reservations: SORRY, ALL FULL

You'll know it's Valentine's Day on campus when the guys are making a mad dash for 7-11, hoping to score one of the few remaining roses slumping in a bucket by the cash register.

Meanwhile, the girls are ripping apart their dorms trying to find their skankiest panties. Soon they'll be confronted with the wilted 7-11 rose, often accompanied by a traditional heart-shaped box of chocolate candies. These chocolates, apparently filled with whatever See's could scrape off the sidewalk in front of the bus terminal, are sadly destined to be spit into their wrappers and thrown in the general direction of the trash can.

And so begins the most romantic night of the year.

I'm busy preparing for a glamorous Valentine's evening with my Siamese cat. We're pulling out all the stops this year: low-fat popcorn, flannel penguin jammies, the works.

Now I want to hear about your worst Valentine's Day experience. If it's pathetic enough, it will be featured in next week's column. And it's gotta be worse than sitting at home alone with your cat, because I've already got that one covered.

If you want to ask someone out this Valentine's Day, but you're not sure how to phrase it, here are a few inspiring questions I've received from readers. To test your romantic prowess, see if you can guess which ones won't get you slapped.

Good luck!


Will you make out with me?

Will u have sex with me in a caboose or a train car?

I don't have a question but I do think you're funny, and I want to go on a date with you.

What's your stance on hooking up with someone you met online? Would you like to hook up sometime?
Myrtle Beach Bum

Can I fuck you hard and nice?

I was wondering, I want to take you to dinner sometime. Would you be willing?

Share your worst Valentine's Day experience with Nicole in the comments for a chance to be featured in the next V-Day column!