A retrospective guide to surviving and making the most of your college experience. Learn how to do it right…from the guy who always gets it wrong.

Column Archives | Start at: 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004

January 2007

No Holds Barred | 1-21-07
Something about your night at the bar seems a little fishy. Should you stay high and dry or dive right in and try to get someone wet?


March 2006

Retiring | 3-16-06
The Hard Way goes out in a blaze of glory, not unlike a rambling old man telling his final tale. Humor him as he has humored you.


February 2006

Girlfriending | 2-5-06
If you've ever had a girlfriend, you know how quickly things can sink low and then bounce right back. Make-up sex also powers trampolines.


January 2006

Snow | 1-18-06
Such a gentle type of weather for such a dangerous sport like skiing. You may be cold and alone, but at least in the lodge you're ALIVE.

Sizing Up | 1-8-06
You're past puberty and things still aren't looking up? Time to accept the fact that you're short. (No, sorry, puberty only happens once.)

Being Female | 1-1-06
Take it from Mikey's friend Michelle: after all the sensual beauty and two-faced female friendship stuff, being a woman is hard work.


December 2005

Being Male | 12-21-05
As a man, you have it made: life is simpler, logical, and you don't have to fight for your rights. Then along comes love, dating, and a 9-5.


November 2005

Dreaming | 11-13-05
From the unfulfilling sex dream, to the unforgivable mid-dream interruptions, dreams are at least predictably unpredictable.


October 2005

Halloween | 10-30-05
No one wants to be the apathetic costumeless loser, but outdoing the barely-clothed jock with your costume creativity isn't always easy.

Virginity | 10-16-05
You've waited and waited, but finally the anticipation and “friendly encouragement” from your friends leaves you in the midst of indecision.

Being Libra | 10-2-05
What is it like living under the curse of the worst of all zodiac signs? Frustrating, tragic, and ultimately hopeless. No need for a horoscope.


September 2005

The Hard On | 9-18-05
One minute you've got a raging boner for your own humor, the next minute you're going soft over mounting insecurities. Payback's a bitch.

Sex Last Night | 9-11-05
Oops, you blew it. Another round of sloppy, hazy, drunken, but ultimately forgive-and-forgettable sex. And it won't be the last time.


August 2005

Verbal Purges | 8-21-05
Sexual conquests, bar night mishaps, run-ins with the law, and various misadventures. Way too many alcohol-induced stories to bottle up.


July 2005

Everything But Content | 7-31-05
So much purpose, so much humor, so much confidence…lost to the rambling, ADD tune of self-deprecation, politics, and waffling.

Drama'Coaster of Drama | 7-24-05
So much drama in the PIC, it's kinda Hard Way flava from your man Mikey. Seriously, someone call Jerry Springer, it's about to get ugly.

Conceited Monotony | 7-10-05
The Hard Way morphs into some sort of angry, familiar PIC tone, accentuated by sports, cynicism, pop culture, and self-reference.


June 2005

Working | 6-19-05
What really makes work hard? Factors like minimum wage, disgruntled customers, lazy co-workers, and spreading your legs around the pole.

The Soft Way: Beaching | 6-13-05
Mikey's friend Michelle is back with a lot more sun to the head and a lot less clothing on her back. Watch out boys, it's a cruel summer!

Rejection | 6-5-05
Whether it's employment, pride or pussy on the line, the fear of rejection is ultimately what drives us all to perform.


May 2005

Logging On | 5-22-05
Any astronomer who says no one knows what's inside of a black hole obviously hasn't signed on to AIM and Facebook simultaneously.

Having Fun | 5-15-05
Is it really that hard to have fun you ask? Considering things like lame freshman dorms, futile vomiting, and sexual rejection…yes.

Majoring in Film | 5-8-05
Given a camera, most amateurs turn into Webshots whores. But film majors are a special breed of right-brained, emo movie catastrophe.

Being Drunk | 5-1-05
It's time to give the standard drinking exposition some personality by moving into the realms of bad taste with this recipe for disaster.


April 2005

Having Friends | 4-27-05
Long gone are the days of lame high school cliques. Now you can deal with backstabbing, arguments, and bros before hoes on a mature level.

The Soft Way | 4-17-05
The Hard Way gets an infusion of estrogen when Mikey's friend Michelle takes over the keyboard. Whew boy, she's got some perky tits too!

All-Nighting | 4-10-05
You've waited 'til the last minute to study, but that's ok, thanks to the Gods of Procrastination! Can they hold off the Sleep God long enough?

Picking Up Women | 4-3-05
It's springtime and hot young ladies are dressed in less. Are you ready to impress? Uh-oh, better take care of that boner first.


March 2005

Beautiful Days | 3-27-05
The first days of spring beckon, but your professors continue to shove classes in your face. It's an age-old weather versus student struggle.

Roommating | 3-6-05
Two people forced to share cramped living quarters? Blasphemy! Here's how to tackle sharing, fighting, sleeping and showering…apart.


February 2005

Growing a Beard | 2-27-05
Take it from the expert on excessive facial hair: werewolves are goddamn sexy. Now drop the razor and get those follicles revved up.

Working Out | 2-20-05
Time to gather up what little bit of testosterone you have left and head to the gym, or you can kiss your manliness goodbye.

A Valentine's Whine | 2-13-05
Single and lonely, dating and broke, or playing the field and caught up with VD. Classic case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Cutting Your Hair | 2-6-05
It's time to go beyond the familiar cry of “just cut it shorter.” Here's how to approach the salons without sacrificing your manhood.


January 2005

Maintaining Personal Hygiene | 1-30-05
Keeping those whites pearly and taming the jungle down below are two of the top ways to attract the opposite sex. Right behind disease-free.

Wearing Clothes | 1-23-05
Everyone not from a nudist colony wears them, but here's how to avoid the pitfalls of an everyday wardrobe malfunction (not Janet's).

Teaching Yourself Guitar | 1-16-05
Learning to play the guitar is a lot like putting it down with a hot female. In which case, you're sure to fail anyway.

Overcoming Obsessions | 1-9-05
How to keep from falling victim to addictive habits like photographing yourself as Ron Burgundy, or making out with Dr. Pepper.


December 2004

The Day After Christmas | 12-26-04
All the hype, all the songs, all the shopping, and suddenly everything's over. Now it's time to cleanup the mess.

Going Out to Dinner | 12-19-04
It's hard to digest all the restaurant logistics, whether it's a late-night appetizer with friends, or an early chain buffet dinner with the fam.

Joining a Student Organization | 12-12-04
Learn to walk the line between joining too many clubs (desperate and needy) and not joining enough (missing out on free beer).


And now a quick joke...

Ideas for improving the Kindle: add the ability to play music, watch movies, lose the whole “reading” thing.