Last week I wrote an article about how men are actually more emotional and hormonal than women, which honestly I found was a lot easier to make a case for than I initially thought. So this week, I thought I would challenge myself again and tackle another prevalent gender stereotype, just to keep things interesting and heated. One of the most commonly held beliefs in society when it comes to sex is that men are WAY MORE sexual than women, but again, since I like to twist things up and present them from an alternative perspective, let's take a closer look at that claim, shall we?
My lady friends complain to me that their men are SO preoccupied with sports that they're missing COUNTLESS opportunities to be having sex.Ask any man what the one thing he would like to change about his relationship is and invariably he will answer that he wished there was more sex involved. Clearly, this indicates that most males are seemingly sexually unsatisfied in their relationships. But contrast that to most women's sexual satisfaction levels in relationships and it is not hard to argue which one is the more sexually dissatisfied gender. Hands down, surveys have always shown that women are overall less satisfied sexually in their relationships than men. Many claim that the distinction here is between quantity vs. quality, but maybe not.
Seriously, you guys would rather be watching sports than doing this… er…. her?The biggest complaint from women when it comes to sex is that it is over too quickly, with not enough time spent on foreplay. This boggles my mind, because the amount of time men actually spend thinking about women, looking at women, or thinking about touching or having sex with women is staggering. So can somebody explain to me why so many women report that men are rushing through foreplay and sex like they're trying to set a land speed record?? The only logical conclusion I can come to is that these men would rather be doing something else with their time than engaging in ACTUAL foreplay and sex. Usually, that activity is watching sports, which just seems ridiculous and counterintuitive to me. Oh and guys, just to be clear, getting her drunk doesn't actually count as foreplay.
Perhaps you have noticed that the whole entire world has lost their damn mind over the World Statue (I am officially changing the name from "World Cup" to "World Statue" since I recently found out that the trophy isn't even a freakin' cup, but a statue—how fucking dumb is that?!). Seriously, I can barely even use my computer at work these days because the bandwidth is being taken up by people watching the World Statue games, checking the World Statue scores, or discussing the World Statue online. You know what all you people could be doing instead of watching a bunch of men run around a field, playing a game that more than likely will end up in a tie? You could be having sex! I know this because it's what all my female friends in relationships are complaining to me about these days.
In this case I'm guessing gay porn is on, not sports.Yes, that's right, the vast majority of my lady friends complain to me (especially lately) that their men are SO preoccupied with sports that they're missing COUNTLESS opportunities to be having sex with them. We aren't just talking about quality anymore here guys, we're talking about actual QUANTITY, which is what all you guys are always complaining about. You could be having TONS more sex if you actually wanted to, but clearly you have chosen your priorities—and let me just tell you that, as a man, you have chosen your priorities ALL wrong. Why on earth you would rather be watching fucking sports as opposed to sport fucking is completely beyond me. I, for one, think you're giving all of us men a bad name.
Amid all this World Statue insanity came an unbelievable news report stating that in many countries the players of the World Statue are actually required to abstain from sex while the tournament is going on (ahemEnglandahem). That's right, apparently the players from certain countries are not allowed to see their girlfriends/wives regularly and are actually sequestered from them with only chaperoned, PG-rated, short visits allowed. It is feared that sexual relations during the tournament could both physically and mentally affect the player's game performance. While this makes sense from a purely academic point of view, it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to anyone who knows how awesome sex is compared to running around chasing a stupid ball with other guys. Why would any sane person choose a career where you would have to abide by such a heinous rule?
The best way to distract a soccer player.In response to this unbelievable imposed abstinence, several studies were conducted to disprove the claim that having sex would affect player performance. One such study was done at McGill University in Montreal by a sports medicine expert named Ian Shrier. "Sex is mild exercise and does not fatigue the body," Shrier said. "Hormonal spikes are controversial. And even if they did occur, it wouldn't matter, because they have to affect performance through physical or psychological mechanisms. We know there are no physical effects. Sex has had no effect on strength, power or endurance."
Not for nothing, Shrier, but if you think that sex has no effect on strength, power, endurance, or has no physical effects and does not fatigue the body, then let me be the first to tell you that CLEARLY YOU HAVE NEVER HAD SEX! Those of you who actually know how to have sex have experienced the shaky knees/leg syndrome, have been forced to take the elevator because taking the stairs makes it feel like someone is slicing through the tendons in your inner thighs, and have actually discovered new muscles in your body that you never knew existed the morning after. Congratulations, Ian Shrier, the only thing you have actually confirmed in your ridiculous study is that you are, at best, TERRIBLE at sex, and now the whole world is aware of it.
Crash helmet optional but definitely recommended. "As for the fans, there is no evidence that sex will impair your tournament-watching experience, but many fanatics appear to be able to live without it. In a recent poll of German soccer fans, 95 percent said they'd rather watch their team play than join their partners in bed." Now THAT is a result I easily believe, because you can currently hear it echoed in the voices of women across the entire world. Clearly a priority has been established in the minds of men when it comes to sex and sports, and sex is the loser. However, from my point of view, I could easily argue that the men who choose sports over sex are the REAL losers here.
Listen up men, you might actually like what you hear.If you are having trouble believing that women are more sexual than men, all you have to do is ask a woman about it. If I've said it once I've said it a million times, "Women LOVE to talk about sex!" Whether it's the abstract idea of it in a flirty way, or an all-out raunchy conversation about all the stuff you all are NOT doing to/for them in order to get them off, women LOVE to have in-depth conversations about ALL aspects of sex. I have had conversations with women over casual work lunches where topics have included the best type of lubricants to use at various different stages of a woman's cycle, the best type of vibrator and the best way to use it, the best position to hit the G-spot, the various ways a woman can achieve orgasm, and my personal favorite, how women wish men spent MORE TIME on sex and less time on sports. The number one topic women talk about is the personal, intimate details of their relationships. You know what the number one topic men most often talk about? That's right, sports, with work coming in a close second! The closest a guy usually comes to having an in-depth conversation about sex is commenting on whether or not he would "do" a woman who happens to pass by.
Furthermore, a recent study confirmed what basically every woman on the planet will tell you in a heartbeat: that men who put a little bit of effort and thought into pursuing sexual relations with a woman actually end up having more sex than those who don't. I admit that this is NOT a real brainchild idea, but the fact that this needs to be pointed out to men is quite telling as far as how much men are REALLY interested in sex. For instance, men who put a minimal amount of energy towards romance end up having sex far more frequently than those who let the romance die in their relationship.
I bet that stupid little romantic gesture doesn't seem so stupid anymore!Now, I'm not talking about wisking her away to Italy regularly or some dramatic overture that a lot of men aren't capable of financially. I'm talking about ridiculous, stupid little things like leaving a cute, one sentence note (NOT A TEXT) where she can find it during the day, or simply calling her for NO OTHER REASON than to just tell her you were thinking about her and wanted to let her know. The fact that SO many men are unwilling to do these silly little romantic gestures, or in many cases actually resent doing them, speaks VOLUMES as to just how sexual they really are. Are you guys actually trying to tell me that writing a stupid little note, that invariably will lead to sex that night, is some kind of a major fucking hoop to jump through or something? Maybe you don't want it as much as you claim you do.
In addition, for you married men out there, it was also shown that men who contribute more around the house are having WAY MORE sex than men who aren't contributing. The simple fact of the matter is that shit needs to get done to keep things running smoothly in a household and that takes an amazing amount of physical and mental energy. Plus, a great deal more women are in the workforce than before, yet they are still shouldering the vast majority of domestic tasks compared to men. If the vast majority of the household workload falls on the woman (while the man is invariably watching hours of sports while doing nothing) then the woman has that much less time and energy to engage in sexual activity later. It isn't rocket science guys, the more mental and physical stamina a woman has, the more mental and physical stamina there is to be spent elsewhere.
Clean up your act if you want her to get down and dirty.It has been shown in these studies that these over-worked women often only require a "minimal amount" of help around the house to dramatically increase the amount of sex in a relationship. Simple acts, like "asking" to fold a single load of laundry, which could be done WHILE watching the game, is all that is actually required. Basically, what this tells you is that men are actually choosing to NOT have sex to get out of folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher. Ever notice how the words, "I want to vacuum" looks identical to "I want to fuck you" when mouthed without sound? Go ahead and check in the mirror if you don't believe me, but I don't think it's a coincidence. Let me make this really easy for you guys: try doing what you think is one of her jobs regularly and you may find that one of those "jobs" you want done might actually happen regularly as well.
Honestly though, it's difficult to determine who the real winner is here.So women want sex to last longer, and they want to talk about it more and are willing to actually put a little effort into making it happen, which men are resistant to do. So exactly who is REALLY the more sexual gender of the two? Well, I would easily argue that women own that title 100%! In the end, guys, actions always speak louder than words, and the inactivity of men in general to show basic interest in pursuing sexual relations with women is pretty demonstrative of just who is the more sexual gender. Personally, there is little else I would rather be doing with my time than having sex or talking about sex, which is precisely why I don't even bother watching sports. There is ALWAYS something or "someone" better to…um…do, rather than watching sports!