From time to time here at Points in Case and elsewhere on the internet, some writer gets their panties in a bunch over their comment box and what occurs in it, so I felt it was time to address this issue once and for all.

I mean, I get it, there is this whole long list of unwritten rules and etiquette about how to act in that little piece of internet real estate located below something you've written. It is so obviously and clearly spelled out, how you're supposed to act on the internet, regardless of your nationality, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or any other qualifier you can think of.

Wait a second, NO IT'S NOT, why the fuck are you people whining, pissing, and moaning about it all the time?!

There's no crying on the internet (poster)

I don't know if this is your first time using the internet or what, but you can't own a comment section, regardless whether it's under your published article or not. Sure, you can get "owned" in a comment section; in fact, I own people all the time in comment sections, but you can't actually declare yourself ruler and dictator of a thread, unless you just want to come off looking like a complete douchebag with no actual power backing up your claim. Your avatar might as well be a picture of you with a paper Burger King crown on your head, because that is about the extent of the authority you have over this environment and the people in it.

Burger King
The Burger King says we don't take online orders!

There is this whole prevailing idea of "appropriate commenting" or not "hijacking a comment thread" with separate ideas from what is stated in the original post. Um, welcome to the fucking internet, dumbass, where people have different ideas about what is appropriate/funny and what isn't. On second thought, welcome to the fucking WORLD, dumbass, where people have different ideas about what is appropriate/funny and what isn't. Are you fucking kidding me with this "appropriate commenting" horse shit? You've got people calling each other "faggots" and being racist in just about every single comment thread on the internet, whether it's CNN, YouTube, or Points in Case and you want to get all bent about what occurs in yours? Wouldn't it be better to use those comments to further the amount of laughter and comedy in the world, by replying in an intelligent yet humorous way, instead of freaking out about what is right or wrong in your eyes?

This is a comedic website which has an advice columnist named Fugly Slut, a 237-year-old bi-sexual Civil War veteran, and another columnist named Court the Deer, an optimistic, big-buck whitetail deer out of Charleston, WV. So maybe, just maybe, your rules and ideas about what should or shouldn't be done in a comment box don't hold a lot of merit here, let alone any other website on the internet for that matter. For the record, in my second article on this website, some of the writers and Court (the editor, not the deer) started talking about New Coke or some random shit, when the article was about Starbucks Splash Sticks. Did I give a shit? No, of course not, because they were having a conversation in my article, which meant they kept coming back to see what the other people were saying. Besides, it isn't like it changed the content of the article or even stopped other people from later commenting on what the actual article was about. Yet time and time again people keep freaking out about what goes down in "their" comment box around here (and elsewhere on the internet).

Deer Court and Fugly Slut
On the internet, every season is hunting season.

Let me point something out that may have escaped your infantile sense of awareness and logic. In the land of the internet, web hits actually mean something. So when people are commenting on an article, it is driving traffic to that article, even if it's only people trying to figure out what the fuck everyone is talking about. Even if they never intended on reading your article in the first place, they might read it now just to see what is going on. So for you to get all high and mighty about your comment section, you're really just killing the traffic to YOUR article. Besides, in a week, you will be pissing and moaning like a little emo kid about how nobody is commenting on your stuff or that nobody reads your material anymore. Boo-fucking-hoo, that's 100% your fault for not providing an engaging and easy-going environment for people to speak freely in!

Scary beard
Even "Dating Site Murderer," aka "Good Intentions Axe Murderer," knows more about the internet than you do.

Seriously, for you to get all bajiggity about what goes on in "your" comment section is just ridiculous and speaks volumes about your level of internet culture ignorance. To the average person/internet troll, who just happens to be in a comedic/mischievous mood that day, it doesn't mean jack shit to them that you want things to be all professional and "on topic."

If anything, it's just going to make "your" comment section boring and make people not want to come back to ever comment again, let alone read any of your future articles. It's like opening up a bar that only hosts bingo night and then wondering why everyone is across the street at the bar where women are dancing on the tables.

Think I'm wrong? Well, every single time I receive an email about a new comment on PIC, whether it's on my article or someone else's, I go back to the article to see the comment in the original context of the previous comments. Sure, I could just read the comment in the email itself, but often I want to see what it was in reply to, how it was formatted, or remind myself what the article was actually about in the first place. So if I'm returning to the article (providing another web hit), how many other people are doing the very same thing with each new comment? Why on earth would you try and stop people from commenting, regardless of what it's about, or worse yet, completely ignore your own readers' comments under the guise of "I'm too cool to respond"? Try and keep this in mind: When you get all territorial over the space below your article, you're pretty much just pissing on your own article and you'll soon find yourself all pissy and alone, wondering why no one visits anymore.

Anatomy of an internet troll
This would have really helped Charlie Sheen target vital organs.

Feel free to talk about this article in the space below, or talk about polka dancing for all I care. I'm not internet ignorant enough to think I can stop you from talking about whatever you want to.