How hard is it to be an NFL announcer? I was watching the Giants-Saints/Cowboys-Redskins make-you-feel-bad-for-enjoying-football-while-half-the-South-is-under-water fest, and I've got to tell you, trying to choose between Madden and Paul Maguire/Joe Theissman is like trying to choose between getting raped and being run over by elephants. (For the record, I'd take raped, because well, sex is sex. Bye bye female readers.)

Anyway, halfway through the Saints game, New Orleans took a penalty dropping them back 5 yards when they were already 2nd and goal. Bad news, right? Not if you're Paul Maguire, who gleefully exclaimed: “That was a good move, more room for Joe Horn!” Huh? Since when is it good for a team to ever be penalized? Seriously, I've watched Belichick do some crazy shit over the past five years, but to claim the Saints willingly took a penalty during a red zone visit is utterly absurd. By the way, if Belichick's goal was to take a shitload of penalties yesterday and make me throw my leftover Chinese food at the TV, mission accomplished.

While we're at it, I'm sorry but the Saints are not America's team. I apologize for all those who have suffered living in the North, watching Katrina footage on TV and masturbate to hyperbole, but I don't think a lousy NFC team is going to make a lick of difference to the evacuees, or refugees as that cockface Bush and his cronies call them, because we can't have poor black folk on TV and claim them as Americans. Whoops, had Kanye on the Winamp. I'll listen to some Deep Blue Something.
Ok, enough laughs. Let's get serious.

The Emmys really pissed me off last night. Hey, I'm as thrilled as everyone that Everyone Loves Raymond stayed well past its prime and finally decided to call it quits, but once again, ‘Scrubs' and ‘Curb your Enthusiasm' are the best comedies on TV, and nobody cares because America is full of jackasses who want canned laughter and uninspired comedy. It's not longtime achievement, dammit. At least ‘Family Guy' is back.

Speaking of TV, a message to networks, nobody is going to watch your 17 ripoffs of ‘Lost' and ‘Desperate Housewives.' Don't people realize that the reason those shows took off were due to their originality and creativity? (And no, I've never seen a single episode of either, but I've yanked my crank to Eva Longoria more than once, so I consider myself a fan.)

I'm finally getting digital cable on Thursday. For those who know me and my savage fetish for On Demand (possibly the only thing technological that I would ever make love to and actually call the next day), this is a revelation. When my roommate told me he made an appointment with Comcast, I kissed him, which was kind of weird because we're both Catholic. And hockey fans.

One last note, my regular readers (thanks people who regularly apply creams to avoid outbreaks) might be interested to know that the sniff of Dog Poop has returned. I can't say anything now, just something you may be interested in.

Until tomorrow, or whenever the deuce I feel like it.

Why do I have six Alanis Morrisette songs on my Winamp playlist?