Hey li'l Timmy! It's your new stepdaddy! Wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese's later? Me too, sport! Let's do it!

I heard you're a little worried about getting a new daddy. You liked your old one, I hear. He played catch with you. He gave you candy.

Well, don't you worry, little buddy! I don't want you to have any concerns about me. I want you to be the happiest little boy in the world.

That's why I want you to know: I banged your mom, bro. And I'm gonna do it tomorrow night, too. Maybe twice. And the next night. And every night after that until we get a divorce. I'm gonna ride her like a roller coaster.

Your mommy loves the cock. She needs 3 servings of it a day, just like vegetables for you! Are you eating your vegetables like you're supposed to?

I've done your mom doggy style, missionary position, cowgirl, and some kinky Kama Sutra shit your old daddy taught her. You probably don't even know what Kama Sutra means, do ya? Well I'll tell you, champ. It's some freaky sex positions that are designed to feel amazingly good on p.p.'s and vajayjays. They get me off in like 4 seconds. Just kidding, I do your mom for hours on end. Sometimes when you're playing in the other room with your little toy cars.

I totally fucked your mom, brah.

See new Points in Case posts via Twitter or Facebook.

Take comedy writing classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.