The answer you’re waiting for is “Yes, all those texts at the top of my worldwide web famous Thank Me Later column are real” — even if they did look better in the old version of PIC.

It’s true. Either I send them out or my friends send them to me.

I spend Monday or Tuesday morning of my workdays typing them into a document on my work computer.

Yes, there are mid-afternoons when I’m too drunk to jack off. My old roomie Julie does give me life advice about pissing your pants to stay warm. Bones does really want to bang the Murder, She Wrote lady while watching another detective show.

If you’d like your drunken text fame to be digitized forever (or at least until Points In Case Version 3.0), please fill out this questionaire:

Name: ______
Age: _______
Phone Number: ( ) –
Sex: (circle one) Female or Cute Girl or Really Hot Chick
Boob Size: ______
Special Foreplay Requests (may be relative to Boob Size): ______
Question 1: When you get drunk and feel like texting me, what sort of message do you send?

A. An angry “I hate you and the world, but mostly you” text.
B. A funny play on words.
C. The obligatory “I want to orgasm you brain off and cook you something” text.
D. Completely random stuff.
E. All of the above.
F. Other: (Please explain).