I work at a video store. It amazes me that every day, customer after customer thinks they are smarter than I am. At first it was funny and I enjoyed ruining someone's master plan to rip the store off, but now it has become a chore and just pisses me off.

Half of these people didn't finish high school, but for some reason think they can run a brilliant con. When you walk up to the counter with five PS3 games, want to sign up for an account and only want the games for one day, it's pretty obvious you're trying to steal the games and pawn them off. It's even more obvious when I tell you no and you threaten to come behind the counter and fight me. It then becomes funny when I tell you to come behind the counter and fight me and you just stand there and stare at me while all the other employees and customers wait for you to make a move, only to find out that you're just a giant pussy as you walk out of the store and give me the finger.

You think you're the only person to ever try that gimmick? Maybe if you passed the 6th grade and weren't missing your front teeth you'd get a little further in life.

It's the same thing with the people who have late fees and think screaming at me will make me erase everything. As your screaming at me you ever get the hint that I really don't give a shit? You probably figure it out after you scream for five minutes and then I repeat the phrase "so, you going to pay these late fees or not?" You might also take the hint when you storm out of the store and I kill you with kindness by wishing you a nice evening.

Oh, so you're going to take your business to another video store? Well here's a hint. I don't own the company, I could care less. If the companies profit margin goes up this quarter, I still get paid—if it goes down, I still get paid. You not paying three dollars for the new Mummy movie isn't going to bankrupt the company, or mess with my paycheck. So fail on your part, right?

And next time you think switching the price tags on the for sale movies is going to get you a discount, walk out to your car, get in and just ram it into the building. The computer has every price for every movie in it, so you have failed. You can argue with me all you want, but my manager told me the computer never lies, only people do. I hate to admit it, but he was right.

You see, when my manager admitted to me that the reason the store hired him was because he was good at spotting thieves, I knew my job was going to be interesting. He then asked me if I knew how to get movies through the sensor without it going off, and I said yes because I use to steal shit from Blockbuster back in the day when I only had to worry about going to Juvie. He hired me on the spot. It's kind of how cops will bring in criminals to get advice on how a crime was committed, you are trying to steal videos from people who used to steal videos. You're going to fail on the spot.

So next time you want to come into my store and try to steal shit and make my shift go ten times longer, don't open the doors because you're wasting my time and yours.