I know you were thinking, "Oh, that's just another short-haired bigger girl with no tits. But God Damn! Does she have an ass on her!" You wondered, maybe she could bend over next to your office chair, and your could use that booty as your work bench.

Then I turned around.  You finally saw what you were really looking at. You spontaneously threw up on your Affliction t-shirt. I laughed at you. 

Well shucks. Sorry to make you question your sexuality, perv.

This is just another case on how I've unwillingly screwed with some sexual deviant's mind. But now that I'm more popular than ever, I'm fucking with pervs on a whole new level. 

I wrote a column about the Facebook of Sex followed by the MySpace of Sex. They were truly funny and everybody laughed. But now, when anybody Googles "Facebook" and "Sex" together, my column pops up. 

With www.statcounter.com I'm able to check how people find my work—and about 97 percent of them are looking for "Facebook of Sex," "Sexy Girls on Facebook," "Bouncer's Organs' Bukkake on Facebook" or some variation.

Honestly, I didn't intend for thousands of people to come to my page as they searched for porn. If I did, I'd have titled my articles stuff like "Hannah Montana Bangs the Power Rangers," "Match.com For Stoners" or "Free Vintage Midget Bestiality Porn." 

And I'm sure most of these thousands of viewers have pure intentions. But for those that don't, the joke's on you! Suckers! There's nothing worse than looking for Barely 18 sluts and then catching a view of my mug. 

But hey, maybe you like ruining your keyboard while reading my stories or checking out my photos.