Kate: I don't understand why you don't just get a real job as a writer.
Me: I guess I'm not a real writer.
Kate: What, you're a fake writer?
Me: I prefer the term, hack.

Bob: I always write poetry when I'm depressed.
Me: Why?
Bob: It makes me feel better.
Me: Wow. I hope you don't let anyone read that crap.

Kate: It's just? you could be a journalist or a poet or a novelist if you just put your mind to it.
Me: You've known me what, three weeks? How can you say that?
Kate: I have an eye for talent.
Me: Yeah, well I have an ear for bullshit.

Bob: Why is it so wrong to write when I'm depressed?
Me: Because writing isn't about the writer, it's about the reader.
Bob: Well I don't have any readers.
Me: Case in point.
Bob: Hey, is that how your website got its name?

Me: It's not my website. I just write on it. I have no idea how it got its name.
Bob: But it's called case in point, right?
Me: Points in case.
Bob: But? that's backwards.
Me: Congratulations, Bob, I think you just came up with PIC's new motto.

Kate: You like sports. Why don't you be a sports journalist?
Me: I shadowed a sports journalist after college, and I didn't like what the lifestyle amounted to. I don't want to spend my life chasing after people for stories. I just like playing with words. What do you care, anyway?
Kate: I can tell that you're not happy deep inside. Oh sure, you look happy and you act happy, but deep inside, you're miserable.
Me: And how can you tell this, Professor Full O' Crap?
Kate: You have a tired soul.
Me: Seriously, you're lucky you're hot. I mean, who talks like that?
Kate: Wise women, that's who.
Me: If you're so wise, how come you have to rely on men to pay for everything for you?
Kate: You just answered your own question.
Me: Whore.

Bob: What's PIC?
Me: Points in Case, abbreviated.
Bob: You know the sun is ninety two million miles from the Earth?
Me: So?
Bob: So, nothing. I just figured it'd been too long since I last said something smart.
Me: It's been longer since you said something funny.

Bob: Hey, I make people laugh.
Jake: What do you do, whip out your dick?
Me: Now that's funny.
Bob: I didn't think it was funny.
Me: Case in point.
Bob: I thought it was Points in Case.
Me: Still not funny.
Jake: At least he's trying.

Kate: So do you think you'll ever be rich?
Me: No. Why?
Kate: Just making sure you're worth my time.
Me: I hate you and everything you stand for.
Kate: It's not my fault, baby. Love is for suckers.
Me: Well then, with the way you suck, you must really be in love.
Kate: I'm leaving now.
Me: Good talk.


Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.