From the first-base-side box seats at old Busch Stadium, Brother Tom and I saw him get his first professional win. His was a wicked display of raw talent. His fastball was really, really fast. His curveball was really, really curvy and his sinker seemed to yank the bats right out of the opposing hitters' hands. Sure, he never pitched to contact and sometimes he had control issues, but he was only twenty. I mean, come on.
Later, I learned from some of my friends who spent most of their time under the table that Rick Ankiel, the twenty year old phenomenon, had a penchant for strip clubs and MDMA.
“Who doesn't?” I replied when I heard the news.
A few months later, Rick Ankiel developed a mental disorder that made it impossible for him to throw strikes. He set a record for wild pitches in a playoff game. And then, after a few injuries and further psychological setbacks, Rick Ankiel hung up his spikes and said he was quitting the game of baseball. It was, to quote my buddy Tracy, “the damndest damn thing I ever saw.”
But the St. Louis Cardinals had a suggestion for Ankiel. You see, when the young man had played in St. Louis, he had proven that he could handle a bat a little. So the Cardinals figured that Ankiel could make the major leagues as an outfielder. And so Ankiel gave it a shot.
Fast forward to yesterday. After a long day of convincing people that the subprime mortgage market was not going to come to life and eat their faces off, I decided to head on up to Skipper's Smokehouse and get some ribs. As I ate and drank heartily, the television was kind enough to tell me that my favorite baseball team had called up Ankiel. And that he would be starting in right field for the Cardinals that night.
Happy in the knowledge that I had paid $160 of my hard earned dollars so I could watch all the MLB I wanted, I headed home (after a brief stop off at the liquor store for a bottle of rum and a pack of beef jerky?only the best for yours truly). For the first time in several weeks, I had a good reason to watch a Cardinals game.
It was weird seeing him as an outfielder. I had seen it before, in spring training in Lakeland a few years earlier. But spring training never looks or feels as real as the regular season does. So he didn't look weird in Lakeland. But well, up at the plate and out in right field in St. Louis, he looked strange as hell. Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, after going nothing for three in his first at-bats as a MLB right fielder, Ankiel came up to bat with runners on second and third and two outs.
“You think they'll walk him to see Pujols?” quipped one of the announcers who really sucks.
“Not likely,” said the other shitty talking head.
And then Ankiel dropped his bat down and pulled an outside curve ball into right field for a three run homerun. And I spilled my drink trying to high-five myself.
Rick Ankiel has faced the inexplicable. He finished second in the Major League Rookie of the Year balloting when he was twenty years old. He started the first game of the 2000 NLDS. He pitched fastballs in to the stands, lost his mind, saw countless therapists (both mental and physical) and then years later, as a result of utility player Scott Spiezio clearing a roster spot by volunteering to take the rest of the year off to address his drug addictions (really, you can't make this shit up), Rick is up with the Cardinals again. He plays outfield now. And he hits homeruns.
Now, back when I was a young man, I lost my mind. It took me a few years to get my shit together and straighten out after that. I don't think my loved ones really believed I was perfectly sane again until a few years later (when I came back from college one summer and didn't try to eat the couch), and they were thrilled to have me back, to see me happy and to watch me enjoy life again.
And well, that's how Cardinal fans feel about Rick Ankiel. We're thrilled to see him playing ball again, having fun and being happy. We love watching him enjoying the big league life again. Whether on the mound, at the plate or in right field, it's just good to watch him get another chance?this time with a level head.
Good luck, Rick. There's not much else for Cardinal fans to root for this year, so we'll have our eyes on you.
Work too hard, Rick. And have way too much fun.