Wow. This is my 253rd post in just under a year. Seems like only yesterday I was on my 250th. How time flies…

If the DC Area Snipers were as good at defending themselves in a court of law as they were at killing random people for no reason, they would have probably gotten away with the slaying of several innocent people. Alas, we all can’t be great at everything.

One of these days, and it won’t be long, I’m gonna freak out and start covering random people in whipped cream. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. This is a social experiment in the making.

The FBI recently announced that it is giving up its search for Jimmy Hoffa. In a related story, my eighty year old granddad formally announced that he is giving up his search for his youth. I mean, wow. Why even make an announcement this pointless? Stupid FBI.

Mikey Faerber is blogging again here on PIC. Prepare for a whole bunch of unprovoked insults. Oh no, wait. I need to prepare for a whole bunch of unprovoked insults. You don’t really need to prepare for anything. Sometimes I don’t know where you begin and I end, dear reader. By the way, you smell divine.

In a Memorial Day speech, President Bush said that we must honor the memories of dead soldiers. Hey, you know what else we must do, Bush? Breathe. You wanta know why he runs around saying such stupid, obvious shit as if it’s new to us? I’ll tell you why. He probably thinks, ‘hell, these people voted for me. They can’t be too bright.’ You have to admit, that strategy has worked for him so far.

Look, I’m not afraid to admit it. One of my favorite things about being an adult is being able to afford to buy a Fun Dip, throwing away the dip, and eating the Lik-A-Stiks. And no, I don’t feel even the slightest bit shameful or wasteful when I do that. So there.

Saddam Hussein has been complaining about unfair treatment in his trial and in the way he has been treated in prison. When asked to respond, a US official replied, “Bwahahahahahaha. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Oh man, that’s a good one. Thanks. I needed the laugh.”

And finally, because this is one of those entries where random psychos pick off logic and fluidity from one thousand yards, I leave you with the following, which I saw on the front door of a Pasco County bar:

“If you drink too much, please remember, stools are provided for you free of charge.”

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