I think Ozzie Guillen and Lou Pinella should be forced to live together during the off season as the premise for a reality show. If you disagree, you are either not a fan of baseball or are a total moron. Imagine Lou and Ozzie freaking on the pizza guy for taking ninety minutes to deliver their pie. Ozzie would be all like, “Look man, I know you got a job to do and all but that pizza took forever. I’m not even hungry anymore. We ain’t paying shit.” And then when the pizza guy started apologizing and trying to keep the sale, Lou would chime in, “What the fuck are you still doing here? Get off my property before I stick a size twelve in your ass you non-delivering fuck stick. Your whole company sucks.” Lou would then grab a chair and chase the pizza guy back to his car while Ozzie laughed hysterically. Couldn’t you just imagine Ozzie and Lou arguing over household chores or who left their socks on the floor? Or going grocery shopping together and fighting over which salad dressings to get for their barbecue? My God, the possibilities are endless. It’d be like the odd couple on acid. I need to stop now. This could turn into a ten pager.

A 21 year old girl with two children (whom she does not have custody of) asked me out today. By the way, she lives in a trailer and works as a cashier at a pizza shack. Something tells me she’s great in bed. Something else tells me that there’s no way in hell…

Joe the Tile Guy brought me a USF Bulls beer cozy the other day. I thanked him casually and we proceeded to down a few beers. Later though, I couldn’t help thinking, “Wow. That Joe is a hell of a guy for thinking about me.” Men: who says we’re not sensitive?

The coolest thing about being on Points in Case is being made fun of by Mikey. So far, he’s mimicked me in a column and made fun of my Snippets in his blog. And I must say, it’s an honor to have such a great photographer make fun of my work.

And finally, because this is one of those entries where I break fluidity and logic like a hurricane crushes trailers, I leave you with the following, which was e-mailed to me last week:

“If [you’re] trying to be a comedian or taking some kind of journalism; don't give up your day job at McDonalds.”

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