I despise most taxi drivers. In all cities and in every country, they always seem to be assholes.

So recently, I enjoyed the pleasure of almost killing a cabbie in Korea. Read on to find out how.

First, have a really really drunk Korean girl with you.

Next, be white. Taxi drivers are usually bigots and don't like to see interracial dating.

After that, don't ask, demand to be taking home.

Do your best to try and stop your Korean ladyfriend from banging her skull on the door every time your driver takes a wild turn. In Korea, this is a LOT. Attempt to direct the cabbie with your terrible Korean "right," "left" and "straight."

Be sure to pay and then tip the driver.

Then exit the car.

Attempt to carry 1. your girlfriend's purse 2. shopping bag 3. overnight bag 4. your backpack and 5. the girl at the same time.

Finally, as you walk, wait and listen for the taxi driver's uncontrollable laughter as he realizes you're not stealing one of his race's women, you're doing his countrymen a favor by taking her out of the dating pool. If you're truly lucky, he'll be laughing so hard and, thus, might have forgotten to put the car in Park and may slide out into oncoming traffic.

Repeat until you get it right or get so frustrated you go back to downloading porn.