I'm a pretty simple guy sexually. I like a nice blow job—and sensuous, mostly slow-hand vaginal intercourse in a few positions. Yeah, you can smack my ass and/or face and tell me I'm a womanizing piece of shit and that's kind of cool, too. But beyond that, I'm your basic boring mother fucker in the rack. What can I say? And yesterday, I was reminded of that fact not once…but twice!

I Love Scissoring - tshirt with a heart and scissorsFirst, I opened The Voice during my morning dump, to get a gander at a photo of a hot girl whose caption read something like "she used to be quarterback of the football team." And after maybe 15 seconds of skimming Michael Musto's gayer than gay column, I discovered that the "hot chick" is a transgendered lesbian. THIS is a phenomenon with which I'm actually faintly familiar (obviously, I've seen too much on this job). 

A long time ago, I had a client who mixed girls, guys, and trannies together in the work environment. And one day, it was divulged to me that one of the trannies had a major crush on one of the biological girls. Cynical redneck that I am, my face no doubt bore a specter of confusion and derision as my mind processed this absurdity, enough so that one of the other trannies present declared indignantly, "Ya know, there's such a thing as a transsexual lesbian!" And there it was again in Michael Musto's column!

In case you haven't wrapped your head around this oddity, it goes like this. A dude…instead of simply fucking some pussy he has a natural attraction for, prefers to change his sex so he can then become a lesbian. Yup! A lesbian trapped inside a man's body. All I can say is ya gotta be one conflicted mother fucker to go through all those transformations to make love to the same gender which attracted you in the first place. Kind of like walking 25,000 miles around the world to arrive exactly where you started. But I'm a redneck. How could I possibly understand? 

Next came a conversation with one of my old clients who has a PHD in harvesting money. I mean…everybody complains about how slow it is—and they're not making money—but this girl has been minting wheel-barrels full of currency non-stop for years. As we were arranging for a little traditional interfacing, Miss Honey parametered, "I can't really do it on Tuesday. I have a 13-hour date all Monday night into Tuesday morning." A 13-hour date! Nice work if you can get it. So I asked what the fuck a guy does for 13 hours and here's the answer:

This individual hires my client (a black girl) AND 4 or 5 gorgeous Asians to gang bang his ass with a strap-on all night. The black girl is the MC who blindfolds and then equips each other girl one by one to do her duty. The client has no desire to be with men but obviously, loves to get gang-banged anally so much so….that he hires all these girls to do the job for hours on end. Dan Savage would tell you that this guy is straight—and that the fact that he likes to be penetrated anally by multiple strap-on sporting women does NOT make him gay. I dunno…but I'll tell ya one thing. You will NEVER catch me bent over getting ass-fucked by anybody unless there are like 100 inmates holding me down! And maybe not even then!

Whatever…I don't fault people for getting their groove on just so they don't force that groove on other people—especially children. But at the same time, I gotta shake my head in disbelief at some of the bizarre sexualities our culture and society have manufactured. Whatever…let them fly their freak flag high. I'm glad I'm just a regular/boring guy.

For more of the surreality…check out my escort blog www.dbpr.us. There are 880 more bizarre observations on the escort biz therein.