Sorry for the lack of updates, but a combination of rapid fire 21st birthdays, my birthday, which was celebrated on four different days for some reason, white water rafting in West Virginia, a full time job and being on painkillers from injuries has left me with little time to write updates. But I'm trying.

Anyway, I keep a dry erase board in my car so I can write people messages in traffic. Why do I do this? Because fuck it, why not.

I started out using it to write to girls in distant cars, because blowing kisses works when they are driving fast, but in stand still traffic, a board with a personal message works way better at getting a reaction. The thing is, my board hasn't been used to get traffic sex in awhile, now it's used to slur bad drivers.

The phrase "You're a terrible driver" has been on the board for awhile. I flash it up at people who cut me off, people who run stop signs, people who run red lights, or people who accelerate to show off that they have a loud muffler, which is the dumbest fucking thing in the world. Yeah, let's bring more attention to ourselves and get pulled over more often. The amount of garbage tards I drive past in one day amazes me.

I don't quick flash the board either. I hold it up until you notice. Then when you notice, I try to get behind you and hold it up until you acknowledge that I'm there. Then when you know I'm there and I'm calling you out, I will still hold it up just so you get the message. I will hold the sign up until one of us has to depart a separate way.

Because I have kind of a god complex, you can give me the finger and scream at me, and I'll still hold the board up. You can threaten to get out your car and fight me, which doesn't bother me, because you're still a terrible driver. Plus, you getting out of your car in traffic increases your chances of being hit by another car, then I could write on my sign "You're a very stupid individual" while you were laying on the pavement.

Awhile back I was driving my mom around and someone texting on their phone cut us off, and I told her to scribble "quit texting on your phone dick," which she did, and I held it up, which caused her to start laughing hysterically. If my Mom approves of the idea of publicly humiliating bad drivers, I know I must be doing something right, because she doesn't really approve of my antics in general.

I am encouraging you all to get dry erase boards and keep them in your cars, because if we keep calling out people who suck at driving, maybe they'll man up and pay attention.

Song of the Day: My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World. It can be found on the Bleed American album.


Follow PIC on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or good ol' fashioned email.
Get coaching or feedback on your comedy writing from our editors.