I have to get something off my chest. I have this secret that I'm supposed to keep a secret my whole life, for my own protection. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. So it's just me and this secret, staring each other down.

But I cannot live like this, with this secret forever held deep inside of me. I feel so..I don't know, shady, I guess. Like I'm not being truthful with anyone. If I can't tell my family, my best friends, or even my priest this secret, then what does that say about who I am as a person.

I'm going to reveal this secret right here, right now. I need to. After I tell the internet, hopefully a weight will be lifted off my shoulders, as they say. Hopefully my life will be changed forever, as they say. Hopefully I'll be able to achieve an orgasm, as they say.

My PIN number is 8673.

There, I said it. That's my real fucking pin number.

Now, I know what you're saying, you're saying, Paul, is that your REAL pin number I bet you made up 4 random numbers cause this is a comedy article I get that and also once you put something on the internet its there forever?

Or you're saying, Paul, I have the exact same PIN #, maybe we should fuck! Well, I don't believe you, but okay, fine, let's fuck.

What's the significance behind 8673, my pin number? There is no significance. I think they gave it to me as my default pin when I opened my first checking account, and it stuck.

Now I use it for everything, debit cards, credit cards, passwords, NFL score predictions.

I'm not even going to change my pin after this article, probably another thing you were thinking.

No, it's me and 8673 for life. I am no longer ashamed. I feel free. Now I have no deep, dark secrets that I will take to my grave. Oh, wait, there's that ONE, but that's between me and me.