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For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.
How do you think the Andersons feel when I deliver their photos, and half of them are so overexposed that you can’t see the barn they’re leaning on?
Utu dropped the carcass and turned back for the cave. Very suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and raised his eyebrows in surprise.
Gimme a classroom full of second-string lacrosse players who are thirsty for validation---this mama’s fixin’ to teach creative writing!
ROUND 2: We will re-enact Alice Cooper's “School's Out for Summer” video shot for shot. Contestants may borrow as many eye-liner pencils as they need.
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
Some other work perks include unlimited time off (as long as it's spent at a beach volleyball camp) and partial reimbursement for uniform fees.
He sounded just like Danny DeVito. He spun in a circle three times fast and jumped right back up in my butt-hole. I didn't even feel it.
This fusion spot is known for its pan-seared foie gras with mustard seeds and green onions. But that sounds gross, we want chicken fingers!
The eggheads at NASA say that last year was the fourth hottest on record, and yet a polar vortex of Arctic proportions has descended upon my bedroom.
A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.
Competition makes the American dream real! But fighting to break records early in international competition while defending your title… isn’t classy.