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We parked our vehicle in several spots over the two-week period. No matter which spot we occupied, a human would tell us we were in “their spot.”
Next to me is some sort of spatula that is red and green and says “Baking Spirits Bright!” It’s July, Richard. I can’t believe this is my life now.
Wish your wedding day would never end? With Ron Johnson’s help, it almost won’t.
Yes, I tried replacing the batteries. A fresh set seemed to do nothing except make his tone even angrier.
We don’t care about fingernails. Well, we kind of care that they’re clean, but we don’t file, buff, color, or cover them up with fake nails.
That man that I saw on the screen—that I had grown up IDOLIZING—was actually just some hack in disguise.
The first time you touched me, it was like you read the instruction manual on how to make my water boil.
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
What does your couch give you that I don’t?
Some of you seem to be using this platform for what my psychologist, Dr. Winter, has identified as attention-seeking behavior.
I enjoy the bachelor lifestyle that comes with living on an island that was ransacked by humans in the 1800s.