During my recent search for supplemental income, I turned to Craigslist—the most trusted, reliable source of employment opportunities available today, according to Fortune and Harvard Business Review.

In all seriousness, I have actually had some success finding legitimate work on Craigslist. I got a temp job this year with the US Census Bureau that I found on Craigslist jobs. Aside from the very small fraction of jobs like this that could be considered gainful employment, the rest of CL postings in this cesspool of spambots, shady creepies, rapists, and killers can bring no good.

It came as no surprise, then, when I received the following message after replying to a posting for a part-time position at a local business.

— On Fri, 6/25/10, Human Resources <[email protected]> wrote:

From: Human Resources [email protected]
Subject: Re: admin assistant – I am thrilled to talk with you
To: ********************
Date: Friday, June 25, 2010, 10:06 AM

Hello Jessica Lynn, it's great to hear from you.

I appreciate you e-mailing us.

You seem definitely qualified for this position, and more so than the other 18 people I received applications from.

Our hiring process is almost done. We only ask that you complete a basic, simple IQ (Intelligence Quotient) quiz to complete and show to our HR Manager. ??

Please complete the IQ Quiz here: http://CasminCorp.com/IQ-Quiz ??Reply with the results and a time you are available to set-up an interview.

Honestly, I am hoping to get this position filled with a new friendly face and am looking to your quick reply.

Have a great Friday,
Victoria Wallace
Human Resources ???

Casmin, Corp?
Phone: 1 (650) 762-5607?
Fax: 1 (866)-424-1103?
Email: [email protected]?
Website: CasminCorp.com?

Because I have so much time on my hands, and because I amuse myself with my own sarcasm, I decided to reply to this one.

Hi [insert name field #1], it's great to hear from you.

I appreciate you spamming me.

You seem definitely qualified for what you do, seeing as you put so much time into creating a phony website that appears legit with "partners," "daily employment opportunity updates," and miscellaneous bulleted garbage (because everything in bullets looks so much more professional), so I find it ironic that you wouldn't take the time to create a functioning inbox for your phony email [email protected], or that you wouldn't even proofread your spambot message. I won't bore you by enumerating all the grammatical/syntax errors.

Allow me, however, to point out a few issues (in bulleted form, since clearly, I'm a professional).

  • You never let an applicant know how many other applicants there are and how qualified they are comparatively. Oh wait, the other 18 people just told me you sent them the same thing.
  • "We only ask that you complete a basic, simple IQ(Intelligence Quotient) quiz to complete and show to our HR Manager." I said I wouldn't bore you with all the grammatical errors, and there are several even in this sentence, but I just can't bear reading this without pointing out the most obvious error when I'm reading this.
  • "Reply with the results and a time you are available to set-up an interview." FYI, the applicant never picks the time for an interview. The employer tells them when to come in. FAIL in believability.

Honestly, I hope this message will reach you and am looking (PICK ONE: backward/sideways/forward) to your reply.

You're welcome,
[insert name field #2]Robotic Resources

Random Meaningless, Shit, Inc, LLC, Corp with incorrect use of commas and abbreviations
Phone: 1-800-123-4566778899
Fax: 1-800-…just make up a number.
Email: phony email different than one that sent this message
Website: aldfjaldfjaldsfj.com

P.S. (postscript from the Latin post scriptum)

LOL (Laugh Out Loud)