Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, which means Steak and Blow Job Day is not too far away either. Let me be the first to say that I love giving blowjobs, mostly because it just amazes me that something so simple can make a guy so completely happy. As excited as guys get about blowjobs though, they somehow forget that girls like oral too. So, guys, please stay tuned for this very important PSA.

I have to agree with Mr. Carter, aka Lil Wayne: it's only common courtesy for girls to "keep ya grass cut."If you haven't been eating box lunches at the Y, then it's time to get with the 21st century. Girls—the good ones, anyway—work tirelessly in uncomfortable positions to master the fine art of fellatio, suffering lockjaw, gagging, chaffed lips, rank ass sweaty balls, and pubes in the mouth, all just to please you, and sometimes without the promise of reciprocation. The least you can do is spend a couple minutes downtown before having your way with a girl. It doesn't even matter if you're good or not. Just making the effort goes a long way.

I think it's a fair assertion that most guys don't mind going down on their girls, or will at least suck it up (hahaha), if merely for mechanics' sake (i.e. lubrication). I can make this assertion because every guy I've been with has needed no prompting to do so. Not most of them, all of them. Naturally, I assume my experiences are some indication of men's collective acceptance of their oral duty. Then again, my test pool is relatively small and homogeneous, geographically and ethnically. But that's beside the point. I know that, undoubtedly, there are some guys out there who refuse to perform oral sex, so for you, I will say this: good luck keeping a girl longer than it takes her to find an equally sexually competent dude who doesn't mind a little licky licky.

Girl's face while having an orgasm
You're doing something right… keep going.
Perhaps the male perspective on this polemic matter is most eloquently conveyed in the words of contemporary laureate Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., better known to many as Lil Wayne: "I only go down if ya keep ya grass cut." I have to agree with Mr. Carter in this regard; it's only common courtesy for girls to "keep ya grass cut," even if guys don't, because honestly, girls, hairy vaginas are much more disgusting than hairy man parts. Keeping it clean doesn't hurt either. I can't blame a guy for grimacing at the thought of diving into a fishy smelling mangy bush that's supporting some type of commensal life form. Personally, I've found showering daily with soap and water works pretty well. Keep ya Kooch Kut ‘n Klean! God, I'm such a dork for coming up with that.

If guys could contort their bodies so they could suck their own dicks, there'd be a lot fewer crack whores getting their fix every night. If girls could eat themselves out, on the other hand, I don't know that any of them would. I'm not exactly sure how that fits into any part of the argument I'm trying to make, but whatever. OS FTW!!!

:-p> —> ===D O:

Now, fun facts about oral sex courtesy of

1. The average load of semen is the size of a teaspoon, full of nutrients, and only 15 calories!

MMM! I wonder how many Weight Watchers points that is… Wendy's small fries has 340 calories—that's like 23 cum shots! Haha, now you're totally going to think about that next time you're eating fries.

2. Inspired by the popular porno, the FBI named the Nixon Watergate scandal informant "Deep Throat."

Sooo, what you're saying is, FBI agents are sexual deviants?

3. Fellatio comes from the Latin word for "suck."

…for the etymology nerds.

4. A clean penis has fewer germs than your mouth.

Not actually that hard to believe. So get the hooker to brush her teeth before receiving a BJ.

5. Supposedly, the inspiration for blowjobs came from the gay women on the Isle of Lesbos who used their mouths to please their partners. Men heard of the practice and translated it to their own pleasure center.

…yet another reason why men owe more oral sex to women.

6. Andy Warhol's "Blow Job" is supposedly a close-up of a man's face as he receives oral sex from his boyfriend. More shocking than the subject matter is that the shot is 35 minutes long! Wow, those dudes were committed to their art.

I don't even know what to say about that one. Andy Warhol's a freak.