By Court Sullivan

Most kids still haven't figured out how often their campus shuttles come by the bus stops. And then there is me, who hasn't figured out where the hell the bus stops ARE exactly. Well, okay, I know most of them, but from what I know, the routes do not intersect within 300 yards of the fraternity house where I live, making them all but useless. BUT, here is the plot twist:

About once a day I walk outside of my fraternity and spot a random shuttle turning towards this remote corner of the campus. I make sure to remember the shuttle letter designation too. But alas, today it is B, yesterday it was D, and the other day it was S. Without a pattern, I am confused. How can I access these shuttles that come by and why are they tantalizing me with their effortless movement across campus?!!

So today, I vowed to follow one of these nomad shuttles behind my fraternity house into the yet-unexplored regions of campus to find out its secret destination once and for all. I had been playing basketball in the backyard for 4 hourspursuit bicycle standing bywaiting for one of these shuttles when lo and behold, a “D Shuttle” appeared.

The pursuit was much shorter than anticipated. The shuttle came to a stop at an abandoned warehouse in the forest just down the road from my fraternity on the edge of campus. I stood with anxious, but excited anticipation on the side of the road, trying to camouflage myself (and the bicycle) behind a thin pine tree. I couldn't believe the entire shuttle system at Emory was just a front for a drug-running scheme to crack-hungry professors around campus!!

Unfortunately, my first instinct was incorrect. Turns out the warehouse is just a refueling station for all the shuttles on campus.

I once heard a life lesson that went something like, “Don't wait for your ship to arrive, swim out to meet it.”

Well, in the spirit of things, I would like to add something to that: “Don't wait for your shuttle to arrive. It's probably not going to stop. And if it IS going to stop, it's probably just refueling, so leave it alone. And if it's NOT refueling, then leave it alone anyway, or you might be killed by the administration for eye witnessing an elaborate drug operation. And if there's no drug operation, just remember, IT'S NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU TO FUCKING CLASS, SO DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.”