Hey dream team!!!

I'm back from my divine three-week vacation in Italy! Did you miss me as much as I missed you all? I did forward pics of every meal I had while in Italy, but I know the internet connection was unreliable, so I didn't receive any of your responses to the sixty-three food pics I sent. Don't worry! They're also posted on my Facebook page, so feel free to “Like” them now.

Anyhow, I know you're all burning the candle at both ends (BTW the twenty-one candlelight dinner pics I posted are probably the best, ambiance-wise) to meet this quarter's productivity goal, so I won't interfere with precious work time by chatting about my three-week Italian vacation.

The obvious solution was to dedicate this month's employee newsletter to my three-week “vacanza” so that we could really bond over my Italian know-how. And while I'm technically “the boss,” I don't want that minor detail to deter you from asking me lots of questions about my rejuvenating three-week sojourn.

Over the next four pages, you will see collages of the sixty-three absolutely delectable meals I ate while in Italy during my three-week vacation, but you may skip ahead since those pictures are also viewable on my Facebook photo album called “Yum Yum, Italy 2021!”

This page is mostly pictures too, but the theme here is much more “Italian,” if you know what I mean. If you've never been to Italy (tragic!), you may not know what I mean. Basically, “Italian” is passion and art and beauty, which is why this page includes several candid pictures of me sipping vino. Drinking Italian wine is just so “Italian”, and I knew you would all appreciate some wine-spiration!

This is a friendly reminder that our workplace is a drug and alcohol-free environment. Our zero-tolerance policy stipulates that employees shall not be under the influence of any substance during work hours.

Back to the fun stuff! Here is the complete itinerary of my three-week vacation in Italy for anyone who is interested in following in my footsteps —I am a leader after all! Gun to the head, if I had to prioritize one city, it would definitely be Venice! Everyone should go before it sinks! That's a direct order, hahaha! Put in that time-off request ASAP so that we can swap gondola stories!

Since returning from my “thrice in a lifetime” three-week Italiano vacay (backstory: though my first stay in Italy was for a month, the previous respite was only two weeks!), I've received numerous inquiries about career paths and promotional opportunities, along with a few increase in pay requests…

As you're all aware, we have a budget freeze and we're just not able to provide promotions nor pay raises at this time. Rest assured, at some point, someone will retire and that high-income position will be yours for the taking! Hahaha, just not mine though! You'd have to kill me to get me outta here!

SURPRISE!!! This year's annual employee recognition gift is a 27″ x 40″ poster of me in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a reminder to really lean onto each other to assure this quarter's productivity goal is met. This poster is just so much more meaningful than a bonus, don't you think? Posters will be personally delivered to your cubicles next week!!!

Your teamwork makes my dream work,

The Big Boss XOXO

P.S. Effective immediately, we are unable to approve any time-off requests for the next three months. Your patience and understanding are appreciated during this time.