1. They don't wash their hands after using the restroom.

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by extreme and excessive interest in oneself. Narcissists have a distorted, grandiose view of their own talents and accomplishments, and they constantly seek admiration. Unfortunately, this also means that they don't wash their hands after using the restroom. The narcissist thinks, "My genitals are not dirty, they're clean. There is nothing wrong with my genitals. If everyone in the world was allowed to touch my genitals, they would be better people."

I must confess that I just used the restroom and did not wash my hands, but that doesn't matter. Nobody else uses this keyboard, and I needed to type this article in a hurry because it is extremely important. Reading this article may save your life. In fact, it may even be the best article that has ever been written.

2. They get frustrated easily.

Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-worth, and they usually have unrealistic expectations of themselves. They believe that they are profound, and they act accordingly. As a result, daily inconveniences throw them way off balance. The narcissist thinks, "I'm so important. Why am I troubled by these meaningless daily problems? I am far too great to be suffering like this."

Now, I don't know about you, but I handle the daily inconveniences of life fairly well. Whenever some minor, annoying incident frustrates me, I usually shake it off rather easily. I simply go home, drink 18-20 beers, punch myself repeatedly in the face, rip my own hair out in a tremendous fit of rage, scream at the top of my lungs, curse at the ceiling, smash my head into the mirror above the bathroom sink, vomit all over myself, and pass out. I then continue to brood deeply about the incident for the next 10 years or so… just like any normal person would do.

A narcissist, on the other hand, has trouble dealing with daily inconveniences. If anything frustrates them, it's like the whole world has ended.

3. They don't handle rejection very well.

Narcissists have extremely fragile self-esteem because they believe that they are better than others. They often fantasize about their own attractiveness, their own power, and their own success. As a result, they are easily hurt, and feelings of rejection are magnified far beyond reality. Especially if they're rejected by someone they are attracted to.

Now, I don't know about you, but I handle rejection fairly well. Whenever I get rejected by a female, I usually shake it off rather easily. I simply go home, drink 18-20 beers, think deeply about every bad thing that has ever happened to me, then hurl myself into a wall so hard that my body crumbles helplessly onto the floor. From this position, I stare at the ceiling while crushing loads of depression and eternal sadness paralyze and overtake my soul. After regaining the strength to live, I masturbate ferociously to really cheap pornography, clean off my keyboard and my computer screen, and then spend the next few hours crying deeply into my pillow until I fall asleep… just like any normal person would do.

A narcissist, on the other hand, has trouble dealing with rejection. If they get rejected by someone they are attracted to, it's like the whole world has ended.

4. They take advantage of others.

Narcissists are extremely self-centered. They praise themselves constantly, and they believe that everything they do is profound and wonderful. Because they believe that they can do no wrong, they have almost no empathy for the feelings and emotions of others. They fail to recognize when they are doing something that may hurt somebody else, and as a result, they often take advantage of people.

I have actually been victimized by this type of narcissistic behavior. I approached a beautiful blonde woman in a bar one night and bought her a few drinks. She was on vacation by herself, so her boyfriend was far away. After talking to her for a while, I learned that she was having problems with her relationship… problems that were causing her a lot of stress. After having a few drinks and being able to talk openly about the things that were bothering her, she felt much better. I could tell that she was very grateful to have somebody to talk to. She thanked me sincerely for empathizing with her. After finishing my tenth whiskey sour, I told her that I was excessively horny and that I wanted her to come home with me. She refused and walked out of the bar, leaving me behind on my lonely bar stool.

Who the hell did she think she was? I spent MY time in the bar talking to her and buying her drinks with MY money. I listened to all of her problems with MY ears, and I used MY brain to think up intelligent responses to keep the conversation going. I was willing to take her to MY house and sexually please her with MY body.

Furthermore, cheating on her boyfriend with ME would have made her relationship better. First, it would have caused her to have incredible feelings of guilt. Second, these feelings of guilt would have increased the friction between her and her boyfriend. Third, the increased friction would have forced both of them to work on improving their relationship. I was willing to do all of that for her, but instead of taking up MY offer, she simply used ME as somebody she could talk to about all of her meaningless problems.

She took advantage of me… she was clearly a narcissist.

5. They criticize others excessively to support the notion that they are awesome.

Because narcissists are self-absorbed, loaded with vanity, and suffer from a false sense of superiority, they often need to tear others down or humiliate them in order to boost themselves up. This also maintains their false sense of superiority. In other words, they survive off the flesh of the dead.

With the belief that everyone else is inferior to them, they purposely seek out and pinpoint the weaknesses of other people like a highly-trained sniper. Then they exaggerate those weaknesses. Sometimes the criticism is actually true. After all, we all have weaknesses. But when narcissists engage in the act of criticism, the criticism is not healthy, balanced, or constructive. Instead, the criticism tends to be extreme, unhealthy, mean, and excessive.

I once knew a narcissist in college. Here are two major things that were wrong with her:

NUMBER ONE: Her sense of insecurity caused her to be a bit controlling. And when I say controlling, I actually mean that she was a vile, raging cunt from hell…a truly horrible person who deserved nothing more than to be stoned to death in a village circle and then burned as a witch. Any man who dated her would probably have to cut his own balls off and give them to her as a Valentine's Day gift. That is, if he were actually able to untie his arms in order to cut his own balls off.

NUMBER TWO: She was intellectually challenged. And when I say intellectually challenged, I mean she was extremely fucking stupid… and not stupid in a funny, cute, or forgivable way. She was profoundly fucking retarded to the nth degree. Her stupidity would have baffled an inbred, grade-school drop-out. Because of her stupidity, conversation with her was the most unpleasant thing in the world. When I look back at all the time I actually spent talking to her, I can honestly say that I would rather have been tied up and forced to eat stale cornflakes on top of frozen dog-shit while being fucked in the ass by hideous, cross-eyed, demonically possessed zoo animals.

I originally felt so insecure around her, but once I figured out that she was a narcissist, I felt so much better about myself. Identifying her particular weaknesses in such a fashion helped me realize that I am more than just an intelligent person… it helped me realize that I am AWESOME.

6. They are geniuses of trivial subjects.

For all of the above reasons, narcissists have trouble maintaining healthy relationships. Because their personality has isolated them from everyone else, they have large amounts of time and energy to devote to subjects of interest that most people would consider meaningless. They focus excessively on trivial things because they lead empty lives, and then they consider themselves brilliant for doing so.

Now I don't know about you, but I always get a massive throbbing erection whenever I study the intricate details involved in the designing and manufacturing of pencil sharpeners. Why are they designed that way? Where are most pencil-sharpener factories located? What kind of people work in these factories? What makes the average shopper chose one pencil sharpener over another? When will somebody finally design a pencil sharpener that changes the way humans view life? And most importantly, have they invented a pencil sharpener that can also be used as a pencil?

Granted these questions do keep me awake most nights, I'm not going to consider other people stupid or less intelligent if they don't have the same level of knowledge about pencil sharpeners that I do. I only consider other people stupid if they don't know anything about the post-industrial social behavior patterns of closet homosexual Bulgarian astronauts who engage in devil worship when they are not in outer space. I mean, really, it's the 21st century…WHO DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS?

In summation, narcissism is a very difficult thing to deal with. If you or anybody you know may be suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, please seek professional help immediately.