Your School District’s Superintendent Introduces His Top Ten New Substitute Teachers
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
"I didn't really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week!"
When I married my wife, I assumed all of her knowledge. That's how marriage works. Marriage means sharing everything.
Do not schedule the drill during prime hangover hours.
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
Their parents, who are never in town, don’t answer my emails, so parent-teacher conferences are as big a joke as life insurance in this town.
For PE period, Mr. Smith will lead you in a round of mumblety peg, which he informs us has something to do with knife-throwing! Zany!
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).
Original: Columbus routinely captured the people living there as slaves. Corrected: Columbus brought Western values to the New World.
What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for sending an email when your mental energy is devoted to teaching during a pandemic? I am.
Uranus: It’s a planet, but you don’t have to mention every last one. Say, “Earth, Jupiter, Saturn, Venus, Neptune, Mercury, Mars, and so on.”
I’ve got my iPhone ready to snap the most insane pictures of my kids, holding a blackboard with facts scrawled in elaborate chalk calligraphy.