Striking Revelations Quotes

R: I'm not sure I appreciate that.
S: What are you gonna do about it?
R: I'm going to write you a strongly worded letter.
S: I'm gonna set your bed on fire.
R: That is more effective than a strongly worded letter...
-On fanning the flames

Jess: Dude, seriously, I would punch you in the face if I didn't know that you actually LIKE getting smacked around.
James: You remembered that about me? I'm touched.
Jess: Not lately.
-Saying no to the harmless but slightly creepy guy

Molly: I have someone coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Please try not to embarrass me.
Molly's Dad: Oh we won't do that. You'll do that yourself.
Molly: What the hell?!
-On the root of the problem

"I know I joke around, but I seriously, SERIOUSLY, would not touch any of your hoo-hahs. I wouldn't even touch your naked boob... If it was clothed, I would totally poke it though."
-Rebecca, on why she's not a lesbian

Travis: I've made out with way more girls than you.
Paul: But I've made out with more pounds of women.
-I guess that settles it

"I gotta get here early tomorrow. Early early. Really early. Like...on time."
-Vicki, planning for an important day at work

Frank: Anyone wanna skip Friday and go to Disneyland for the weekend?
Reuben: Nah, I can't. My dad's coming up for the weekend.
Linnea: I can't either. I need my parents' love.
Frank: OK guys, I'm Asian so I'll tell you guys something about parental love. It's overrated.
-On life lessons

"Molly, I think you'd be good at dodgeball because of your highly competitive nature and your urge to kill."
-Danny, on anger redirection

Brett: Man, history class would be way more interesting if "Inglorious Bastards" was based on a true story. All the Nazi stuff would be hilarious.
Alex: My grandfather actually died in a concentration camp...
Brett: Oh really? I didn't know you were Jewish... isn't your family from a German background?
Alex: Yeah, he fell off a guard tower drunk.
-On inglorious endings

Jen: I'm so sick of small dicks! I want big ones! I'm ready!
Katie: You gotta crawl before you walk Jen.
Jen: Well then you went straight from crawling to running.
-Compliment or insult?

Girl 1: Don't you hate it when you think you get "it", but it actually isn't "it"?
Girl 2: Yeah... I guess....
Girl 1: VAGINAL DISCHARGE... I guess we should stop talking about this.
-Overheard in the middle of the library

KT: Is it considered poor social etiquette to leap across a counter to sexually assault a hot Jamba Juice employee?
CM: Yes, but do it anyway. It should be worth the arrest.
KT: So true.
-On options and counter options

Tim: You know this is the reason I'm glad my girlfriend-
Joe: -is imaginary?
Tim: No, lives in another state.
Joe: ...of mind.
Tim: You're an asshole.
Joe: Oh yeah, well my girlfriend lives in another country... And Zech's girlfriend is his hand.
Tim: Wow. Really?
Zech: Eh, ya know.
-On insignificant others

Random Chick: The gays are demanding rights to marry and are perverting our way of life. Do you want to sign this petition and stop this tragedy.
Waitress: Do you want to give me a 500% tip?
Random Chick: No...
Waitress: Exactly.
-When homophobe meets the mother of a lesbian

Sal's Stepmother: So, yeah, when we got married I didn't even have to change my last initial because my new one started with V too.
Sal: Wow. What are the odds of that happening?
Sal's Dad: 26 to 1.
-On anticlimactic stats