Striking Revelations Quotes

Lucie: It's totally weird that Old Spice uses Doogie Howser in those new commercials.
Nate: Why? Because he came out?
Lucie: Yeah!
Nate: Why should that matter?
Lucie: Old Spice is the deodorant for straight guys!
Nate: Huh? Then what the fuck deodorant is the deodorant for gay guys?
Maria: Secret?
-On essential coverups

"I'm going to go get high, I'll be friendly when I get back."
-Zach, on social norms

Jenn: Indestructible? I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
Jason: We have a FARM? Where??
Jenn: Um, in your pants.
-Late low blows to the boyfriend

Football Fan: I'll have 2 beers please.
Fan's Girlfriend: What? The game hasn't even started and you're drinking already?
Frank: You don't need a reason to drink beer. Beer itself is a reason to drink beer.
Fan's Girlfriend: You're right. Make that 4 beers.
-If it exists, they will drink

Jess: Does this shirt flatten my boobs?
Mike: Please don't ask me this...
Jess: Why does it bother you when I ask you to look at my boobs?
Mike: Oh, I do it all the time...it's just weird when you know I'm doing it.
-Mike, unable to bring himself to look at his friend's boobs on command

"It's like a laxative. A laxative of fear."
-Jeff, on taking ayahuasca

Carla: I cooked kosher hotdogs for supper.
Moh: EMILY! COME EAT A JEW WEINER!!
-Specific people coming to mind

Janet: Efren, I wouldn't wear my bathing suit around you if you paid me $2 million.
Efren: I would pay you $2 million NOT to wear a bathing suit around me.
-You just saved: $2 million

Lauren: So did that guy just say, "I'm fixin' to kill that bitch?"
Walter: Pretty sure he just did.
Bill: So when the word "fixin'" just pours out of someone, that makes them certifiably crazy?
Walter: I'm guessing that's the case.
Lauren: This show is so enlightening.
-While watching Lockup on MSNBC

Customer: It's hot out there!
Molly: Is it?
Customer: Yeah. Well, you obviously don't get much sun, do you? Is that on purpose?
Molly: ...Umm, no, not really. I'm just in here all the time, working.
Customer: Yeah... you're very white. I used to be pale, but not like you. I'm just going to browse for a bit.
Molly: Okay... if you have any questions, let me know.
-Strictly business?

Kelli: I was funny before I met you!
Edward: No...my presence has made your humor blossom.
-On the true laugh factor

Leeny: Adrianna, what's your screen name?
Adrianna: Why?
Leeny: What do you mean, why? So I can talk to you online!
Adrianna (completely serious): ....Oh. Here, I'll give you the one I don't use very often.
Leeny: What the hell kind of answer is that?!
-Rejected before the first keystroke

Tanya: I'm watching 8 Mile. It's really good.
Courtney: I'm having sex in an orchard.
-Comparing daily activities over the phone

Katie: Mom, we need a new shower curtain, this one lets the water out because it doesn't go all the way down.
Katie's Mom: Try to pull down the bar.
Katie: Okay, but I don't understand what you want me to do...
Katie's Mom: Is the curtain touching the floor?
Katie: Yeah but...ohhh...
-Why moms worry so much when their kids go off to college

"I had no idea what she was talking about when she asked 'What makes hydrogen bonds important to the qualities of water?' or something stupid like that, so I just wrote 'Hydrogen bonds are important because they're what makes the water wet."
-Jess, on why she knows she failed the test