Striking Revelations Quotes

"Jake, I hope you're the only man I ever say this to... But ever since I left you yesterday, I've been walking funny."
-D, on intense leg workouts with the trainer... maybe

Jess: I could really go for McDick's right now..
Red Dave: You know McDonald's is like an ex-girlfriend... You only think of her late at night when you're drunk; you know it's a bad idea and you'll regret it in the morning; your friends all try to talk you out of it, but you go ahead and do it anyway.... Who are you texting?
Toni: My ex... what?!? She's my kind of Happy Meal!!
-On why cellphones should come with breathalyzers

Frank: Did that guy say he was French?
Max: Yeah. He's an exchange student.
Frank: Where's his white flag?
-On essential school supplies

Sarah: That's what you get for being the W word.
Bee: A whore?
Evan: No, a woman.
-On possible same differences

C: Dude, I'm watching a CSI episode where the guy is using salvia to incapacitate his victims before he kills them.
L: We gotta stop doing that drug....
-Drawing real life parallels

R: I'm not sure I appreciate that.
S: What are you gonna do about it?
R: I'm going to write you a strongly worded letter.
S: I'm gonna set your bed on fire.
R: That is more effective than a strongly worded letter...
-On fanning the flames

Jess: Dude, seriously, I would punch you in the face if I didn't know that you actually LIKE getting smacked around.
James: You remembered that about me? I'm touched.
Jess: Not lately.
-Saying no to the harmless but slightly creepy guy

Molly: I have someone coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Please try not to embarrass me.
Molly's Dad: Oh we won't do that. You'll do that yourself.
Molly: What the hell?!
-On the root of the problem

"I know I joke around, but I seriously, SERIOUSLY, would not touch any of your hoo-hahs. I wouldn't even touch your naked boob... If it was clothed, I would totally poke it though."
-Rebecca, on why she's not a lesbian

Travis: I've made out with way more girls than you.
Paul: But I've made out with more pounds of women.
-I guess that settles it

"I gotta get here early tomorrow. Early early. Really early. Like...on time."
-Vicki, planning for an important day at work

Frank: Anyone wanna skip Friday and go to Disneyland for the weekend?
Reuben: Nah, I can't. My dad's coming up for the weekend.
Linnea: I can't either. I need my parents' love.
Frank: OK guys, I'm Asian so I'll tell you guys something about parental love. It's overrated.
-On life lessons

"Molly, I think you'd be good at dodgeball because of your highly competitive nature and your urge to kill."
-Danny, on anger redirection

Brett: Man, history class would be way more interesting if "Inglorious Bastards" was based on a true story. All the Nazi stuff would be hilarious.
Alex: My grandfather actually died in a concentration camp...
Brett: Oh really? I didn't know you were Jewish... isn't your family from a German background?
Alex: Yeah, he fell off a guard tower drunk.
-On inglorious endings

Jen: I'm so sick of small dicks! I want big ones! I'm ready!
Katie: You gotta crawl before you walk Jen.
Jen: Well then you went straight from crawling to running.
-Compliment or insult?