Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Are you too pale? Yes, you are. We don’t even need to look at you; we can tell by your order history.
Back at the wizard’s tower, I’ve got a small team of young apprentices working on Gen-M and frankly, even we’re surprised by its capability.
Until you are told you otherwise, you are only allowed to use cannabis on weekends.
We were looking for someone who is my sister’s son, invites me to tap recitals, and doesn’t correct me at the Thanksgiving table when I say something racist.
Honestly, this might be a blessing in disguise. He included this whole “Avengers Assemble”-style roll call with the Founding Fathers that is so sick.
Each employee should onboard a child for photos. Be discerning in your selection. Children who look both winsome and unmistakably aligned with our hunger initiative are ideal.
At the hotel, I’m told I cannot pay for my room with Duolingo gems, even after I show them I have over 1,800.
Having never really engaged with the source material, I’m looking forward to seeing "The Odyssey" with fresh eyes.
After last year’s summer get-together dinner, and the not-so-fun harassment lawsuit with Dave and Buster’s staff, we’ve decided to make this a sober event.
You have decided to watch “London Has Fallen.” “London Has Fallen” is not “The Rainmaker.” I recommend you watch “The Rainmaker.”
Do you want to wear a neck brace every day for the rest of your life? My wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t stand to be seen with me.
I never saw myself as a Hamptons person. I also never saw myself at the center of a scandal on a Bravo reality show, but here we are.